Q. What do you call the first profits made from maple syrup? A. A drop in the bucket!   PainfulPuns.com - Holiday Puns, Silly Seasonal Jokes, Happy Days

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Happy Burrs Day!
Beer mugs ask: What has eight arms and an IQ of 80? Four guys drinking beer and watching a football game!
Q. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? A. Pumpkin Pi!
I'll tie your shoes so you don't fall for gnome body else!

You might be from Colorado if you use bear-proof trash cans!
Q. What do you call a fat pumpkin? A. A Plumpkin!
I didn't fall from heaven just to hear your lame pick up line!
The tree trimmers did a great job! They really should take a bough

 


Fall Jokes: September, October, and November Puns
Chill out with autumn season humor, Halloween puns, Novembeard LOLs and Thanksgiving jokes.

Autumn Jokes, Leafy Laughs, Fall Holiday Humor
('Cause September Jokes, October Puns, and November Humor Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream! with Pumpkin Spice)
Warning: Rake and Fork Advised! Octoberfest humor, Talk Like a Pirate Day jokes, and treely sappy puns ahead.
| Autumn Jokes, Fall Puns | Winter Holiday Jokes | Spring Holidays Jokes | Hot Summer Humor |
| Party Jokes, Celebration Humor, Shindig Puns | Holiday Food Jokes | Holiday Drnking Jokes |
| Seasonal Holiday Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Happy Birthday Party Humor | Gnome Holiday Party Jokes |
| Day of the Week LOLs | Sunday Puns | Friday Jokes| Saturday Party Puns | Daily Pick-Up Lines |

Q. How can you tell if a tree is nomadic? A. It packs up its trunk and leaves.
 
Q. What did the tree say to the wind? A. Leaf me alone!
 
What do you get if you cross a bullet with a leafless tree? A Cartridge In A Bare Tree

Q. What did Summer say to Spring in Septembe?
A. Help! I'm going to fall!

Q. If money really did grow on trees, what would everyone's favorite season be?
A. Fall.

Q. What is it called when you covertly listen to foliage falling in the fall?
A. Leaves-dropping.

Q. What is a tree's least favorite month of the year?
A. Sep-timber!

Q. Why did the blonde open the book about viewing colorful fall folliage?
A. So she could leaf through it.

Q. How can you tell fall-blooming gardener jokes are bad?
A. When they're a real pain in the aster.

Q. When is the best time to harvest maple syrup?
A. Sap-tember.

Did you hear about the maple tree's autumn birthday bash? It was a really sappy party.

Q. Why did the leaf blower quit his low-paying job?
A. Because the gardener was raking it all in.

Q. Did you see the atest gardening joke about cleaning up fall folliage?
A. It'll leaf you laughing.

Q. What did the big pile of fall leaves say to the garden gnome?
A. Blow me!

Q. Which unwanted early autumn plant is truly something to sneeze at?
A. Ragweed.

The recent autumn windstorm through the trees was an absolute de-barkle.

Q. When do trees lose their leaves and small branches?
A. During Sep-timber.

Clumsy September Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, is your name autumn? 'Cause I be-leaf I am fallin' for you.

Cold Autumn Pick-Up Line: Hey little man, is your name Lief? 'Cause I'd like to to blow you.

Q. How do you know autumn acorns will like math?
A. Because when they grow up, they'll say, "Gee, I'm a tree."

The fall and winter months were difficult on the trees, but in the spring they were re-leafed.

Q. What did father buffalo say to his boy when he left for college? A. Bison, CU later!
 
Yarrr! September 19 is International Talk Like a Pirate Day!
 
Local news reported a crocodile was found in Denver! But nobody was surprised because the forecast predicted a cold snap!

Q. What's it called when a CU freshman doesn't have a roommate in the fall?
A. Buff-alone.

Q. Which Colorado craft beer is popular at CU during the fall?
A. Barley Legal Ale.

Q. Why did the green light turn yellow in Aspen, Colorado during October?
A. Because it was fall.

Q. Why does Humpty Dumpty prefer camping in Colorado during autumn?
A. Because he has a great fall!

Q. Which bruin goes into hibernation in the fall while standing on its head?
A. Yoga Bear.

Q. When do bruin couples stop arguing?
A. When it becomes un-bear-able, or it's fall and time to hibernate.

Q. What did the sea say to the pirate on International Talk Like a Pirate Day?
A. Nothing. It just waved.

Little Known Pirate Trivia: 3.14% of sailors are Pi-rates who party on Spetember 19.

Q. Why did the pirate go on an autumn vacation?
A. He needed some ARR and ARR!

Q. What kind of music do pirates listen to on Spetember 19 while aboard a dingy?
A. Rock n Row.

Q. What's the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate celebrating on September 19?
A. One has a rumbling tummy and the other's a tumbling rummy.

Q. Why is the new fall pirate movie rated ARR?
A. Because of all the booty.

Q. How are freezing rain on I70 asphalt during September and cake icing alike?
A. Both are a glaze!

Q. Which musical instrument do pumpkins play at Octoberfest?
A. The a-gourd-ian.

Q. What should you bake to celebrate a successful fall cactus garden in Broomfield?
A. Sticky buns!

Q. What do allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like fall flowers?
A. An aster-risk.

Q. Which fall blooming flowers do florists secretly love, but seldom talk about?
A. Mum's the word.

Q. Which nasty fall weed always makes gardeners grumble?
A. Ragweed.

A farmer enjoys gazing at his pumkin patch becuase it's so gourd-geous!
 
You might be from Colorado if you grew up planning your Halloween costume around your parka!
 
Q. Why don't ghosts like rain on Halloween? A. It dampens their spirits!

Q. What does one bird say to another on October 31?
A. Happy Owl-oween!

Q. What do monsters eat at October 31 barbeques?
A. Hallo-weenies!

Q. Why did the cop ticket the ghost on Halloween?
A. Because it didn't have a haunting license.

Q. What do mummies listen to at Halloween parties?
A. Wrap music.

Q. What's a ghoul's fave Halloween party game?
A. Hide-and-ghost-seek.

Q. What song do skeleton criminals listen to on Halloween?
A. Bad to the Bone.

Q. How do monsters decide what to do on Halloween?
A. They look at their horrorscope!

Q. What do you get if you cross a witch and a Halloween blizzard in Denver?
A. A cold spell!

You might be from Colorado if you expect snow on Easter, Mother's Day, Halloween, and Thanksgiving but not on Christmas.

Q. Which autumn holiday is a wolf's favorite?
A. Howl-o-ween.

Q. Why did the ghost starch his sheet before Halloween?
A. He wanted to scare everybody stiff!

Q. Why don't skeletons like parties on October 31?
A. They have no body to dance with!

Q. Why wasn't there any food left after the Halloween party?
A. Because everyone there was a goblin.

Q. Why did ghosts go to a bar on Halloween?
A. For the boos!

Q. What do young female monsters do at Halloween parties?
A. They look for edible bachelors!

Q. What happens when you eat too much pumpkin pie during the fall?
A. You'll get autmn-y ache.

Q. What did the jack-o-lantern say to the yet-to-be carved pumpkin?
A. Happy Hollowing!

Q. Why don't Halloween jack-o-lanterns like pumpkin pie?
A. 'Cause they're not cannibals.

Q. Why did the jack-o-lantern go to the doctor a week afrer Halloween?
A. It felt really rotten.

Q. What did the autumn pumpkin say to the pie baker?
A. Use pecans instead!

Q. Why didthe ghosts leave the Halloween party?
A. Because the sheet was about to hit the fan.

Q. What did the vampire say after reading all these bloody funny Halloween puns?
A. These Halloween jokes really do SUCK!

I didn't like my beard at first, but then it grew on me.
 
Q. How are the Denver Broncos like grizzly bears? A. Every fall they go into hibernation! Go Broncos!
 
Yummy Pick-Up Line: We're like cocoa and marshmallows. You're hot and I want to be on top of you!

Q. What's the worst thing about growing a beard for No Shave November?
A. Hipsters think you're one of them!

Q. Why did the guy grow a beard in November?
A. To prove he wasn't a bald-faced liar.

Q. How is a beard like true love?
A. It never ends... It only grows!

Q. What do you call a guy with brown hair and a red beard?
A. A Chin-ger.

Another Beard-Vember Groan: I really mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later.

Q. What kind of facial hair does the hipster ghost at the haunted house have?
A. A soul patch.

This just in for No Shave November! NoShaveBer Listing on eBay:
"For sale. Incredible Hulk T-shirt. Usual wear and tear."

Q. Who are the happiest people at November NFL football game?
A. The cheerleaders!

Q. What happened to the Colorado brew pub patron who fell into a barrel of beer while watching a fall Broncos game?
A. He came to a very bitter end.

Q. What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
A. The sofa doesn't keep asking for Bud Light!

Q. Why did the blonde leave the Broncos tailgating party crying?
A. Because they ran out of Coors Light in left-handed cans.

Q. How can you tell it was a brutal Broncos game at the Denver sports bar?
A. Even your dog said it was "ruff!"

Sports Bar Point to Ponder: If you're an alcoholic if you drink too much vodka, then are you Fantastic if you drink too much Orange Crush soda during a Broncos Game?

If you say "Pumpkin Spice Latte" three times, a girl in yoga pants will appear and tell you all the good things about fall.

Fall Spiced Pick-Up Line: Hey Pumpkin, I've been thinking 'bout you a whole latte lately.

Q. What do little green men like to put in their late autumn hot chocolate?
A. Martian-mallows.

Q. What is a frog's favorite beverage during the cool fall season?
A. Hot Croak-o!

Caffeinated Fall Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, are you Cappuccino? 'Cause you are hot, sweet, and you make me nervous.

Q. What do you call stolen Halloween candy that was finally recovered in November?
A. Hot Chocolate!

Q. Why don't Londoners drink hot chocolate during the col fall months?
A. Because it's just not their cup of tea.

Q. What is a vampire's favorite holiday? A. Fangs-Giving!
 
Q. Why do pirates love Thanksgiving? A. Because they get to carrrve the turkey!
 
After rubbing seasonings on the Thanksgiving turkey, the chef had some spare thyme on her hands!

Q. What do meat-eaters call it if you serve tofu turkey on Thanksgiving?
A. Pranksgiving.

Q. Which special sweet potato dishes causes people to be overly honest on Thanksgiving?
A. Candid yams.

Q. How can you tell the Thanksgiving chefs are have a very serious discussion?
A. They're talking turkey.

Q. What did the hen turkey say to her naughty kids on Thanksgiving?
A. If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

Q. Why aren't there many good Thanksgiving cranberry jokes?
A. Because they're a bit too saucy for some.

Q. Which Thanksgiving side dish is the deadliest?
A. Grave-y.

Q. Which kind of Thanksgiving dessert has the most calories?
A. Plump-kin pie.

Q. What's the difference between chickens and turkeys in November?
A. Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving.

Q. Which forecast do dinner guests hope for on Thanksgiving Day?
A. Fowl weather.

Q. What happened when the turkey got into a fight with the Thanksgiving dinner guests?
A. He got the stuffing knocked out of him!

Q. Which dance do you want to avoid after eating Thanksgiving dinner?
A. The Turkey Trots.

!. What do nerds call a computer geek who loves to work during a November holiday?
A. A Thanksgiving techie.

Q. What happens when a hipster attends your Thanksgiving dinner?
A. He'll eat the leftovers before they're cool.

Q. Why couldn't the guy stop eating Thanksgiving leftovers?
A. He just coulldn't quit cold turkey.

Q. What does the Jedi Council do on Thanksgiving Day?
A. They watch the Mace's Thanksgiving Parade.

Q. What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving?
A. Lucky!

Yes, I know you want me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I just can't stop cold turkey!

When you buy clothes on Black Friday, always take into account how much you ate on Thursday.

Post Thanksgiving Point to Ponder: Why does Black Friday start on Thursday?

Oops! Sometimes Black Friday shoppers tackle better than the home team did on Thanksgiving.

Late November and Deember Holidays Wish List: Here's hoping Black Friday doesn't turn into Black 'N Blue Saturday.

| Seasonal Holiday Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Happy Birthday Party Humor | Gnome Holiday Party Jokes |
| Party Jokes, Celebration Humor, Shindig Puns | Holiday Food Jokes | Holiday Drnking Jokes |
| Valentine's Day Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Valentine VD Day Pick-Up Lines | St. Patrick's Day Humor |
| Spring Holidays Jokes | Happy 420 Jokes | Party Animal Puns | Hot Summer Holiday Jokes |
| Autumn and Fall Puns | Halloween Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Halloween Treats | Spooky Come-Ons |
| Thanksgiving Jokes | Winter Holiday | Christmas Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| Santa Claus Jokes | 2 | Xmas Food Jokes | Elf LOLs | Xmas Music Jokes | Xmas Chat Ups | 2 |
| Christmas Animal Jokes | New Year's Eve Jokes | Winter Humor | 2 | 3 | Winter Hookup Lines |
| Daily Jokes | Sunday Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | Monday | 2 | 3 | Tuesday | 2 | 3 | Wednesday | 2 | 3 |
| Thursday Humor | 2 | Friday Fun Funs | 2 | 3 | 4 | Saturday LOLs | 2 | 3 | Daily Pick-Up Lines |

PainfulPuns Home
You've raked in the grins, so here's more chilly humor, un-be-leaf-able laughs,
spiced up jokes and off-color painful puns that won't give you autum-y ache:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Bear Jokes | Beer Puns | Coffee Jokes | Colorado Jokes | Colorful Puns | Denver Broncos Jokes | Family Laughs |
| Ghoulish Groaners | Manly Hair Humor | Nut Jokes | Pirate Jokes | Police Puns | Psychic Jokes | Pumpkin Jokes |
| School Jokes | Sci-Fi Jokes | Sports Jokes | Tree Jokes | USA Travel Jokes | Weather Jokes | Wine Lover LOLs |

Edible Puns, Fun with Food Bartender Puns, Bar HumorFrightful Puns, Scary Jokes
Painful Jokes & Groaner PunsMonstrously Funny Puns Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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