Q. What do you call somebody who is afraid of being confined to a room with Santa?
A. Claustrophobic.

Q. What did Santa phone his shrink when he got to the South Pole?
A. He was having a Bi-Polar moment.

Q. How many reindeers actually pull Santa's sleigh?
A. 10, 'cause Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh...

Q. What do you call a smelly department store Santa?
A. Farter Christmas.

Q. Why didn't reindeers launch Santa's sleigh on time?
A. There were a few elf and safety concerns.

Q. Why did Santa send his immodest daughter to college in Kansas?
A. To keep her off the North Pole.

Q. Which occupation always has to wear a suit a work?
A. Santa.

Q. How does Santa make his reindeer fly?
A. He gives them Red Bull, because Red Bull gives you wings.

Q. Why did Santa visit a strip club?
A. Because all the Ho Ho Hos got him in the holiday spirit! (Santa doesn't need Red Bull!)

Q. What does Mrs. Claus use on her face during the long winter season?
A. Cold Cream.

Christmas Pick-Up Line: Dude, is your name Santa? 'Cause you just sleighed me.

Q. What does Santa the Sailor Man say?
A. Row, row, row...

Q. What do you call an incomplete sentence relating to the Christmas holiday?
A. A Santa Clause.

Q. Which nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish!

Q. Why does Santa maintain three garden plots?
A. So he can Ho, Ho, Hoe.

Q. What does Santa sing while he's going down the chimney?
A. Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire!

Q. Why doesn't Father Christmas like getting stuck in the chimney?
A. Because he's Claus-trophobic.

Christmas Pick-Up Line: Hey big fella, are you Father Christmas? 'Cause I want to Merry You!

Q. Why is Santa always so jolly?
A. Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Q. Who delivers Christmas presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Christmas Pick-Up Line: Wow baby, now I know the the reason Santa came up with his NICE List.

Q. What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus at their picnic?
A. It's going to reindeer...

Q. What do you get if you cross an NYC snowman, a really bad pun, and a laughing Santa?
A. Frostbitten HOs.

Q. What do you call Santa's helpers?
A. Subordinant clauses.

Q. Who is the king of Santa's rocking helpers?
A. Elfis, thank you very much.

Q. What kind of footwear does Santa Claus wear when he rides the train?
A. Platform shoes.

Q. What do you call it when St. Nick suddenly stops singing Xmas Carols?
A. Santa Pause.

Q. What do you call it when Santa ends up at the South Pole?
A. A Lost Claus.

Q. Which of Santa's little helpers has side burns and sings?
A. Elfis.

Q. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas eve?
A. Because it soots him.

Q. What does a Secret Santa give a kid who is obsessed by NASCAR and Star Wars?
A. A toy Yoda.

Q. Why are Santa's helpers lacking in musical discipline?
A. They're all elf taught!

Q. What does Santa call his obnoxious reindeer?
A. Rude-olph.

Q. What do you get if you cross Father Christmas and a detective?
A. Santa Clues.

Q. Why doesn't Santa have any kids of his own?
A. Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down a chimney.

Q. How do Santa's reindeer make their beds?
A. With snow blankets and sheets of ice!

Christmas Pick-Up Line: Hey, let's both be naughty this year and save Santa the trip.

Q. How does the little elf get to his job at Santa's Winter Workshop?
A. He rides his icicle.

Q. What's the difference between Santa's reindeer and a knight?
A. One slays the dragon and the other is draggin' the sleigh!

Q. What goes Oh Oh Oh?
A. Santa walking backwards.

Q. What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A. Sandy Claws.

Q. What do you get if you cross a duck and Santa Claus?
A. A Christmas quacker.

Q. What is Santa's favorite snack food?
A. Crisp Pringles.

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer sings offensive and off-color Xmas songs?
A. Rude-Alf.

Q. What do trainees learn at Santa's Helper School?
A. The elf-a-bet.

Q. What do a crab on the beach and Christmas have in common?
A. Both have Sandy Claus!

Q. Why was Santa's little helper so depressed over the holidays?
A. Because he had low elf esteem.

Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
A. Claus-trophobic.

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