Q. What did the physicist get when he put coffee into a black hole?
A. Hyperspace!

Q. What did scientists confirm after announcing the first photo of a black hole?
A. Once you go black, you never do come back.

Q. Why don't aliens play golf in space?
A. Too many black holes.

Bartender at event horizon of Black Hole Pub says, "Sorry, we don't serve time travelers here." Gnome time traveler walks into a bar.

Q. What is a blackboard's favorite drink?
A. Hot chalk-olate.

Q. How do Colorado skiers correct their mistakes?
A. With Whiteout!

Q. How do you know your dentiist is an Alt Righter?
A. He thinks the best teeth are white and straight.

Q. What do gardeners call white-flowering shrubs that are entirely perishable?
A. Mere myrtles.

Q. Why was the Colorado black diamond skier taken to the hospital?
A. Because he bruised his ski bum.

Q. Why don't skeletons ski the black diamond runs at Copper Mountain?
A. They've got soul, but they just don't have the heart for it.

Q. In Colorado, what do you call a black sled dog?
A. A dusky husky.

Q. Why can't a Black Beauty eggplant join the Dark Side?
A. Plants need light!

Q. What did Mr. White name his new green edibles shop?
A. Breaking Bud.

Q. Why is sperm white and urine yellow?
A. So that men can tell if they're coming or going!

Q. How do you avoid getting swallowed by a river while white water rafting in Colorado on your vacation?
A. Stay away from the river's mouth.

Did you hear about the white water tourist who got cold while paddling up stream on the Colorado River? He lit a fire in his boat, only to discover you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Q. How is white bread like the sun?
A. It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist.

Q. What should you put on a black eye?
A. An eyes pack!

Q. Why don't strawberries hang out with blackberries and blueberries?
A. 'Cause they don't want to get beat up.

Q. Which type of garden flower sounds like it was recently on the losing end of a fight?
A. The Black-Eyed Susan.

Q. What is an eye doctor's favorite band?
A. The Black Eyed Peas.

Q. What is the favorite classic rock song lyric for black coffee drinkers?
A. Hello Darness, My Old Friend.

Q. What did the cowboy at the Scottish festival in Estes Park say after a black bear ate Lassie?
A. Well, doggone.

Wine Lovers Holiday Wish: May all your Christmases be white, or red!

Q. What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
A. White Infidel.

Q. Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
A. Because it was too corky.

It's Daylight Saving Time! So remember to change your wine clock from red to white!

Q. What kind of wine does Rudolph the Reindeer prefer?
A. Red! Unless he's on a rooftop, then white!

Q. What did the happy red say to the sad white wine?
A. Hakuna Moscato.

A black widow drops into the bar. Bartender asks, "What's your poison?"

Q. Why do panda bears like watching old movies?
A. Because they're in black and white.

Retro Cell Phone Laughs: Life was so much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.

Q. What do pirates like to do on Black Friday?
A. Shop for the best sails.

Q. How did the pirate feel on Black Friday morning after a wicked night of drinking?
A. Groggy.

Q. What is the name of the Black Pearl's extra captain?
A. Jack Spare-row.

Q. What are the spots on black and white cows?
A. Hol-stains.

Q. How do you make the best beef jerky?
A. Give your prize bull plenty of strong black coffee.

Evil Barista Quote of the Day: I like my coffee black, just like my soul.

Q. How does Batman take his coffee?
A. Black as the Knight.

Q. What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
A. Sliders.

Q. What did yeast say to the bag of white flour?
A. I loaf you so much!

Q. How is winter black ice just like music?
A. If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.

Q. What is Ozzy's favorite party tune?
A. Sweet Leaf by Black Sabbath.

Q. Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
A. Because it lost its filling.

Q. Why does Darth Vader like to eat blackberry pie while watching Film Noir?
A. It's sweetly on the dark side.

Life is like a piano. White keys are happy moments and black keys are sad moments. But remember, both keys are played together to give sweet music.
­ Unknown

Q. What is black and white, and green and bumpy?
A. A pickle wearing a tuxedo.

Q. How is Snow White?
A. Fair, according to the Seven Dwarfs.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
­ Mae West.

Q. What do you call a land where the people drive only white cars?
A. A white carnation.

Q. How can you tell a blonde has been using the computer?
A. There's White-Out all over the screen.

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. A sunburned panda rolling down a hill.

Q. What rarity in 2020 is black and white and read all over?
A. The newspaper.

Q. Why are elephant boxing matches so confusing?
A. 'Cause both contestants have gray trunks.

Q. Who is big and gray and writes poetry?
A. T.S. Elephant.

Q. What's the difference between a horse and gray weather?
A. One is reined up, and the other rains down.

Q. Which Broncos mascot goes under a stage name now that he's white?
A. Thunder (A.K.A. Old Gray Mare)

Colorblind Pick Up Line: Hey babe, no wonder the sky is gray today. All the blue is in your eyes.

Q. What is the oldest animal known to mankind?
A. The zebra, because it's in black and white.

Q. What is black and white, and eats like a horse?
A. A Zebra.

Q. What are the rules in black and white zebra baseball?
A. Three stripes, and you're out!

Q. What else is black and white, and red all over?
A. An embarassed zebra.

Q. Why are zebras so opinionated?
A. 'Cause the them, everything is black and white.

Did you hear about the snow storm that arrived at a fortuitious moment? It was white on time.

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