Q. What is the name of the horse in Jingle Bells?
A. Bob. (Bells on Bob's tail ring)

Q. Which Christmas carol do parents like the most?
A. Silent Night.

Q. Who delivers Christmas presents to kitty cats?
A. Santa Claws.

Q. Why did the blonde only wear one boot on Christmas eve?
A. She heard there was a 50% chance of snow, and she was really good at math.

Q. Why doesn't Father Christmas like getting stuck in the chimney?
A. Because he's Claus-trophobic.

Q. What do nuclear elfin engineers fear most at the North Pole?
A. A Meltdown.

My mother gave me a T-shirt that says, "I'm a Nudist." Nope, I haven't worn it.

Christmas Pick-Up Line: Hey Babe, you're an angel, so why aren't you on top of my tree?

Q. What do you call a group of chess masters bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A. Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Christmas Pick-Up Line: If I dress up as Santa, will you be my Ho?

Q. Can you help a little one who has lost the Christmas spirit?
A. Yes, just nurse them back to elf.

Xmas Party Pick-Up Line: Babe, are you Christmas? 'Cause I want to merry you.

Q. Which band do gingerbread men with one leg listen to?
A. Limp Bizkit.

Q. What did the icy winter road say to the car on its way to Granny's house for Christmas?
A. Wanna go for a spin?

Q. Why did Santa send his immodest daughter to college in Kansas?
A. To keep her off the North Pole.

Q. Why do polar bears always have cold feet?
A. Because they go around brrr-footed.

Q. Why was the ornament addicted to Christmas?
A. It had been hooked on trees its whole life!

Q. What is green, covered in tinsel, and says: "ribbit, ribbit?"
A. A Mistle-toad.

Q. Where do championship snowmen football teams compete?
A. In the Super Ball.

Q. What did the Christmas gingerbread man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet.

Q. Why do penguins detest seriously funny winter puns?
A. Because it's snow laughing matter!

Q. Why don't crabs celebrate Christmas?
A. Because they're shellfish!

Q. What goes Oh Oh Oh?
A. Santa walking backwards.

Q. What could happen if you sit in the snow too long on Christmas eve?
A. You might get polaroids, and your cell battery might crap out, so you won't even get a pic to share on social media.

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