Q. Why is Janeway the most effective Star Trek captain?
A. Voyager needed a woman captain because a male captain would never admit they were lost and ask for directions!

Q. How do you know you're a Trekkie?
A. You think Vice Admiral Janeway is sexier than Princess Leia.

Q. Why is Janeway the coolest Star Trek captain?
A. Her first officer has a tattoo!

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekker?
A. You learned how to successfully pick up women by studying Captain Kirk.

Q. Why is James T. Kirk a better captain than Jean-Luc Picard?
A. Kirk once fought a Greek god, and won!

Q. Why did the blonde fan love Captain Kirk, Spock, Bones, Scotty and Sulu so much?
A. 'Cause she had a one-Trek mind.

Q. How do you know you're a true Next Gen Trekkie?
A. Your dog's name is Picard.

Q. What is it called when you can't decide whether to watch Star Trek TOS or TNG?
A. Stuck between a Spock and a Picard space!

Q. How do you know you're a bonafide Trekker?
A. Nobody bats an eye when you say, "Make it so," during a business meeting.

Q. What is Captain Kirk's most effective pick-up line?
A. Let me show you where I like to land my shuttle.

Q. Why did Captain Kirk's rooster cross the road?
A. He wanted to see if there was new life at the chicken strip club.

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekker?
A. Your eldest son's middle name is Tiberius.

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekker?
A. When you put the key in the ignition, you say, "Engage!"

Q. What did Captain Picard say while Data tried to fix the Marclosian Stitching Machine?
A. Make It Sew!

Q. Why doesn't Star Trek TNG Captain Piccard us an iPhone?
A. He prefers Androids!

Larger Than Life Enterprise Fact of the Day: In Star Trek, there is no such thing as a little Shat!

Q. What did Uhura say when the Enterprise was being hit by a storm of icy asteroids?
A. Captain, we're being hailed!

Q. What did the Enterprise replicator say to Captain Kirk when he ordered coffee?
A. Beam me up, biscotti!

Q. Which red shirt is a good loser?
A. The junior officer playing 3-D chess with his captain.

Q. What did the Romulans chant when the Enterprise was near?
A. Kirk is a Jerk!

Q. Why did Captain Kirk discontinue his line of women's undies?
A. 'Cause in hindsight, the name Shatner Panties wasn't the best way to go.

McCoy to Captain Kirk: Should we have a friendly game of cards?
Kirk: No, let's play poker.

Captain Kirk seldoms laughs, but when he does, it involves Romulan ale.

Q. What does Bill call his new line of Star Trek theme designer women's jeans that are roomy enough for adult diapers?
A. Shatner Pants.

Q. What does Captain Picard say at the gym?
A. Who needs phasers when you have guns like these?

Q. What advice did Captain Sisko give to Captain Picard?
A. It's not the size of your Data, it's how you use it.

Q. What did Locutus of Borg say at the bar?
A. The name is Borg, James Borg. Gin and vodka martini, shaken; the olive is irrelevant!

Q. How does Captain Picard like his women?
A. The same way he likes his tea: HOT!

Q. What does Captain Picard say at Christmas time?
A. Make It Snow!

Q. In his dreams, what does Jean Luc say to Beverly when he asks her to marry him?
A. Engage! Make it so!

Q. Why did Captain Kirk walk into the ladies room?
A. He wanted to go where no man had gone before!

Q. How can you tell you are addicted to a futuristic sci-fi lifestyle?
A. When you're stuck in traffic, Siri automatically plays The Transformed Man and William Shatner Live.

Q. Why was Sisko a better captain than Picard?
A. When confronted by Q, he smacked him in the mouth and never had problems with the Q Continuum again!

Q. Why is Kirk a better captain than Picard?
A. Captain Kirk's bridge is not beige.

Q. Why is Kirk a better captain than Picard?
A. Because of all the toupee jokes.

Star Trek face palm of the day: Why is Patrick Stewart the voice of National Rent-A-Car and not Enterprise?

Q. Why is Janeway the hottest Star Trek captain?
A. She's got more hair than all the Enterprise captains combined.

Q. How many Enterprise captains does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. Star Trek captains delegate to crewmen.

Q. Why is Janeway the coolest Star Trek captain?
A. She doesn't have to point which way to go when they make it so go!

Q. Why is Janeway the most effective Star Trek captain?
A. She mutes the ship's doctor when he gets out of line.

Q. Why did Captain Kirk cross the road?
A. To get to the port-a-potty on the other side, where no man has gone before.

Q. How does Captain Kirk change a light bulb?
A. He gets Scotty to beam up.

Q. What did one Borg say to another when right before their ship was destroyed in sector zero zero one?
A. Hoisted by our own Picard...

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because her starship was being assimilated by Locutus of Borg.

Q. What do you call it when two Star Trek science officers have an argument?
A. Science Friction!

Q. How many Federation admirals does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. That bulb had better be replaced before an admiral notices it's burned out.

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