Q. What is the difference between a car and toilet paper?
A. It's perfectly okay to buy a used car.

Q. How do you know toilet paper is pessimistic?
A. Because it's mantra is "The End Is Near."

Q. What did one sheet of toilet paper say to another?
A. Man, I really feel wiped out.

Q. What do a toilet and a street fight have in common?
A. Shit goes down.

Life is a lot like toilet paper. You're either on a roll, or you're taking a load of sh*t from some asshole...

Q. Why did the toilet paper comedian tell so many funny jokes?
A. Because he was on a roll.

Q. What do you call a bathroom with no toilet paper?
A. Scott Free!

TP Pick-Up Line: Hey, my name is Charmin and you must be hot shit? 'Cause I want you all over me.

Q. How many men does it take to replace an empty roll of toilet paper?
A. Nobody knows because it's never been done!

Q. Why are butt jokes so funny?
A. Because they're sure to crack you up!

Q. What's the difference between a bodybuilder and a plumber?
A. A plumber's pipes always stay hard.

Q. What do you call a person who picks plums?
A. A Plumber!

Locksmiths know how to unlock a look and peek a loo. (Look Smiths are just creepers...)

Q. How do you get the bathroom unlocked in a hurry?
A. Use a doo-key!

Q. Who protected fossilized human excrement in silent films?
A. The Keystone Cop-rolites.

Q. How are urinals made functional?
A. They get installed.

Don't you just hate it when you call a plumber, and all he does is eat mushrooms and kill your turtles?

Q. On a freezing cold day, what does your dog call the treats he made for you?
A. Poopsicles.

Q. What is brown and sounds like a bell?
A. Dung!

Q. What do you call crystal clear urine?
A. 1080pee.

Q. Which part of a trilogy is always a real stinker?
A. Da Turd Part!

Q. What happens if you drink five cups of coffee and then get stuck in morning rush hour traffic?
A. Urine Trouble!

Q. Why wasn't the guy looking for the best constipation medicine?
A. Because he knew #2 would do.

Q. Why doesn't the new Mad Max toilet paper sell very well?
A. It's rough and tough and doesn't take crap from anybody!

Q. Why did the toilet paper win every poker hand?
A. Because it was on a roll!

Q. Which kind of music do stones and toilet paper enjoy?
A. Rock and Roll!

Q. What happened when the semi truck loaded with toilet paper crashed on the Interstate?
A. Cops say drivers will be bogged down with bad runs until the scene is cleaned up.

Q. What happened when the big rig full of toilet paper crashed on the busy street?
A. Police expect the scene to be backed up for quite a while.

Q. What is so shitty about constipation?
A. Nothing!

Did you hear about the guy who claims he gets diarrhea every time he goes to Taco Bell? Moron! Why doesn't he just order tacos instead?

Q. Why do Tigger, Eeyore, Roo and Piglet smell so bad?
A. Because they like to play with Lumpy and Pooh!

Q. What do you call a reporter who does stories about dirty dog parks?
A. A Pooper Scooper.

Did you hear somebody broke into the Mayberry Sheriff's office and stole the toilet? Barney has nothing to go on... Repeating farts are the worst!

Q. Why weren't the toilet paper thieves arrested?
A. The cops kept patting the suspects down, butt they were clean.

Q. Why is sperm white and urine yellow?
A. So that men can tell if they're coming or going!

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably sh*t!

Q. Why shouldn't you ever fart on an elevator?
A. Because it's so wrong, on so many levels!

I would make a fart joke, but I'm afraid it would stink!

I was out delivering leaflets today. Unfortunately, I let one rip...

Q. What did Frosty the Snowman say to the dog who peed on him?
A. If I had legs, I'd kick your butt!

Q. Why do comedians in Colorado tell brief fart jokes?
A. Because the air is thinner up there.

If a king farts, is it a noble gas?

Q. What does a religious man say to the toilet before he flushes?
A. Holy Shit.

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