Did you hear about the depressed proctologist? He's been feeling rather down in the dumps.

Q. What is the worst thing about being constipated?
A. Nobody gives a shit that you can't!

Q. What kind of pencil does a mathematician use to work out his constipation?
A. A No. 2.

Q. What should you wear to a truly scary haunted house?
A. Depends. Not a joke – Wear Depends!

Q. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom?
A. Because they're extinct!

Q. What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
A. Lots and lots of room!

Q. How do you know toilet paper is a dedicated worker?
A. Because it believes no job is done until the paperwork is done.

Q. What does your dog say when you ask him to produce a feces specimen for the vet?
A. It's the least I could doo.

Q. What is the difference between toilet paper and toast?
A. Toast is brown on both sides.

Q. What happened when the truckload of toilet paper crashed on the highway?
A. When cops arrived at the scene, they asked if it was a roll-over or a roll-under.

Q. Which day of the week is the favorite for human excrement?
A. Turds-Day.

Q. Which new bathroom wipe was popular with consumers for only a few months?
A. Faddy Tissue.

Coach has a recurring nightmare that the team won't be able to pull their head out of their ass for the big game. The sh*ttiest dream ever... Go Denver?

Q. Where does hot sh*t stay in downtown Denver?
A. The Brown Palace Hotel.

Q. Are constipation jokes funny?
A. Shit NO!

Did you hear about the guy with diarrhea? The doctor gave him pills and told him to take one after each episode. Unfortunately, all the episodes were reruns...

Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? Yes, it runs in your jeans.

Q. What should you say to somebody is anxious about having diarrhea?
A. Dude, don't lose your shit!

I'm embarrassed to admit I farted at work today. They called in the plumbers to look for a leak in the sewage system.

Q. Why do farts have an odor?
A. For the benefit of the hearing impared.

Q. Why did the standup comedian stop telling fart jokes?
A. Because everybody said they stink!

Q. In England, what rank are you when you're in the bathroom?
A. Loo-tenant.

You know, if you pee in the swimming pool, urine trouble!

I saw my urologist the other day, and he really pissed me off!

Did you hear the joke about the toilet? Never mind, it's too dirty.

Q. Why was a guy happy about having diarrhea, hemorrhoids, and eczema last week?
A. Because it was the first time he'd ever won a game of Scrabble!

Did you hear about the new book about diarrhea? It flows really well.

Q. Why did the constipated leprechaun go to the doctor?
A. Because he could only fart rainbows.

Q. What does a bruin's fart smell like in the woods?
A. It's absolutely un-bearable!

Q. When the urinal said, "You're full of shit," what did the toilet say?
A. Piss Off.

Sh*tty Pick-Up Line: You're stuck in my head, like mental constipation.

Guess the landlord won't accept crappy jokes either?

Q. What do New Yorkers call a bird that poops on your head?
A. A stool pigeon.

Crappy Fact of the Day: I have inner beauty. In fact, I have the video from my colonoscopy to prove it.

Q. Did you hear about the constipated Wheel of Fortune contestant?
A. He wanted to buy a bowel.

Shitty Pun of the Day: Constipation jokes may not be your favorite, but they're certainly a solid number two.

Q. When shouldn't you tell a crappy joke?
A. When it's just too corny.

Q. What did the priest say before he flushed the toilet in Gotham City?
A. Holy Crap, Batman!

Crappy Point to Ponder: If pooping is the call of nature, then is a fart a missed call?

Q. Which human turds are recorded in history?
A. Coprolites.

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