Young Son: Should I be afraid to fart while I pee?
Dad: Nah, it's just like rain with a little thunder.

Q. What happens when kids are playing in the garden and don't tell you they have to use the toilet?
A. They soil themselves.

Q. What happened to the kid who got all muddy playing outdoors?
A. He found himself in hot water.

Q. Why don't farts graduate from school?
A. Because they always end up getting expelled!

Q. Why did the little kid throw a pencil in the potty?
A. Because it was a No. 2.

When you're young and being potty trained, your parents read you the book, "Everybody Poops." When you're a wise (ass) teenager, you wonder why there isn't a book titled, "Everybody Is Full of Crap."

Fatherly Advice to Young Son: In the bathroom as in life, always remember urine it to win it.

Our youngest son is finally potty trained! My wife and I agree that he really did marry the right woman...

Q. How is potty training a toddler like the maiden voyage of the Titanic?
A. At first, you'e hopeful about the journey. But by the end, everybody is crying and soaking wet.

Toddler holding a TP tube with the entire roll of paper unrolled and still attached to it: "Mommy, look what the dog did!"

Potty Training Tip of the Day: If you see a baby owl in the toilet, don't flush it because you aren't supposed to flush moist owlets.

Mom to Young Son: You know, if you pee in the swimming pool, urine trouble!

Q. What time of the day is crunch time when it comes to successful potty training?
A. Poo Thirty!

Q. Which award do parents with an athletic child get for successful potty training?
A. The Envy Pee Award.

Toddler: Mommy, what is Teddy bear poop called?
Mom: Fleeces.
Typical Toddler: Why?

Q. Are poop jokes the most popular potty training humor theme?
A. No, butt they are a solid #2!

Q. Why does the Energizer Bunny spend so much time on the potty?
A. Because he just keeps going and going...

Q. What did the turd say to the fart?
A. That last potty training joke really blew me away!

Q. How do you get the bathroom door unlocked in a hurry if your toddler has locked herself in there?
A. Use a doo-key!

Q. What do parents call it when they can't open the door to the bathroom when a toddler says he has to go?
A. Pooper stupid.

Toddler Sitting In a Pile of Unwound TP: Are toilet paper jokes funny?
Mom: Yes, they really crack me up!

Q. What happens when little toilet paper grows up big and strong?
A. It becomes a toilet-tree.

Parents Going Through Potty Training Point to Ponder: Who else is glad that Tootsday and Turdsday are two days apart?

Inquisitive Little Kid: What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
Dad: Lots and lots of room!

Toddler: Why is #1 yellow?
Big Brother: Because it's afraid of #2!

Little Boy: What happens if I miss the potty?
Daddy: Urine trouble with Mom.

Little Boy: What is the opposite of urine?
Big Sister: You're out!

Teacher: If you're American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Student: European.

Q. Why does the young lad want to be an urologist when he grows up?
A. Because he likes to play with balls.

Q. What happens if you accidentally swallow Scrabble tiles?
A. Your next bowel movement could spell disaster.

Q. What happened after the kid's new puppy ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles?
A. He kept leaving little messages all over the house...

Dad: What is green and smelly?
#2 Son: Incredible Hulk poop!

Q. What's it called when a scary ghost poops in your potty and doesn't flush?
A. A spooky dookie.

Q. What do your kids call a sleepover at your plumber brother-in-law's house?
A. A slumber potty.

If your four-year-old child farts in public and you're embarassed, just say, "Do clown farts smell funny?"

Dad: What would you find in Superman's bathroom?
#1 Son: The Super Bowl!

Toddler Being Potty Trained: Why are turds always tired?
Exhausted and Exasperated Parent: Because they're pooped out!

Student: I heard there was a dinosaur that left turd trails to navigate back out of the jungle.
Paleontologist: That's poop-postoraus.

Dad: When shouldn't I tell a crappy joke?
Daddy's Boy: When it's just too corny.

Q. On a freezing cold day, what does a little kid call the treats his new puppy made for him?
A. Poopsicles.

Q. What do eskimo kids call diarrhea?
A.Igl-ew-y poopsicles.

Q. How do you potty train a toddler tattler?
A. First, you have to take them out of wetness protection...

Son: How do you stop a new puppy from pooping in your front yard?
Dad: Keep him in the backyard.

Four-Year-Old Kid: What do you call a magical poop that appears out of nowhere?
Dad: PooDini!

Teacher: Why do cherry trees stink?
Student: Because George Washington cut one!

Q. Why does Piglet smell so bad?
A. Because he likes to play with Pooh!

Q. What does a baby bruin's fart smell like in the woods?
A. It's absolutely un-bearable!

Q. Why do Tigger, Eeyore, Roo and Piglet smell so bad?
A. Because they like to play with Lumpy and Pooh!

Q. What is the most productive time to take your toddler over to her personal little potty?
A. Poo o'clock.

Q. Why do pterodactyls aim their pee at the side of the potty bowl at night?
A. Because the P is silent.

Student: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom?
Teacher: Because they're extinct!

Young Son: Why did the basketball player just leave the game to go to the potty?
Dad: Because he was dribbling.

#1 Son: What does a swimmer piece of poop say to greet the rest of the guys in the pool?
#2 Son: What's crappening, turds!

Student: How does a dung beetle make his house smell better?
Teacher: With aromatic poo-pourri!

Q. How can you tell if your aquarium has extra bubbles because your clown fish just farted?
A. It smells funny.

Little Kid: Why did the toilet paper join a rock band?
Big Brother: Because it was on a roll!

A little girl asks her daddy: "Is toilet paper surprised when you use it blow your nose?" Dad replies, "Yes, butt it's a pleasant surprise."

Q. Which kind of music do stony poo and toilet paper enjoy?
A. Rock and Roll!

Q. Why did the toddler put his plush toy bear in the toilet and flush?
A. So Teddy could take a dip in the Jaccuzi.

Little Kid: Where does a pirate go when he needs to use the potty?
Daddy: The poop deck.

Kid In the Bathtub: Mommy, what kind of bird pooped on my head?
Mom: A stool pigeon.

Dad: Tell me again, why don't you ever fart in church?
Little Kid: Because you'll have to sit in your pew!

Son: Why shouldn't you ever fart on an elevator?
Mom: Because that's so wrong, on so many levels!

Mommy: What happens when Fred Flinstone uses the toilet?
Toddler: He makes a yabba dabba doo.

Q. Why did the class clown stop telling fart jokes?
A. 'Cause the other students said they stink!

Q. How do you know your toddler will grow up to be a proctologist?
A. His favorite toy is a Tonka drump truck.

Q. Why aren't there many jokes about potty training a daughter?
A. Because girls don't have assholes until they're married.

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