Q. What happened when three actors showed up to play the part of the cloud?
A. The director discovered it was overcast.

Q. What do you call an acting troup made up entirely of blondes?
A. Fair play.

Q. What do you say when the staged satire had already started before you arrived?
A. Late to the parody.

Actor Hookup Line: Hey dude, are you a mic pack? 'Cause I want you in my pants.

Pick Up an Actress Line: Hey, can I help you with a quick change? 'Cause I really want to rip off your clothes.

Actor Come-On: Hey there, are you the cast list? 'Cause I can't stop looking at you.

Did you hear about the mailman who took up acting? He did have stage presence, but his delivery was bad.

Q. When is a theater clumsy?
A. When the curtain falls.

Dramatic Point to Ponder: If an actor falls through the floor, is it just a stage he's going through?

Thespian Pick Up Line: Hey there, unlike Hamlet's entire family, my love for you will never die.

Actress Pick Up Line: Hey fella, are you hairspray? 'Cause I can't seem to get you out of my mind.

Actor Pick Up Line: Hey babe, are you my voice? 'Cause I never want to lose you.

Q. What did the actor skeleton impersonator choose for his stage name?
A. Pelvis.

Q. Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
A. Because every play has a cast!

Q. What do you call stage actors who like to go fly fishing?
A. Cast members.

Stage Performer Chat Up Line: Hey big guy, someone as hot as you must find it tough to do cold readings.

Actor Pick Up Line: Hey girl, are you a spotlight that was left on for way too long? 'Cause you are smokin'!

Casting Pick Up Line: Hey girl, are you an audition? 'Cause you're making me sweat.

Q. Why are the best actors always such good pool players?
A. Because they know their cues.

Q. Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in novels and stage plays?
A. 'Cause they're plot devices.

Old actors never die. They just drop apart.

Theatrical Pick Up Line: Hey girl, are you opening night? 'Cause I get the jitters when you are near.

Actor Pick Up Line: Hey girl, are you that line I screwed up? 'Cause I just cannot get you out of my mind.

Actor Hookup Line: Hey girl, you might want a body double for what we are about to do...

Q. What do hammy pigs like to do?
A. Squeal the spotlight!

Q. What happened when cows put on an off Broadway play?
A. They got moo-ed off stage.

Q. Why are pigs such lousy stage actors?
A. Because they always really ham it up.

Actor Chat Up Line: Hey girl, are you a Broadway musical play? 'Cause I can't stop reviewing you.

Pick Up an Actress Line: Hey girl, I must be the audience 'cause I could just watch you for hours.

Actor Come-On: Hey baby, my only dream role is being with you.

Q. Who is the most dangerous thespian in the average community theater presentation?
A. The actor who owns power tools.

Q. What sort of issues did the egomaniac stage performers have?
A. They had problems interacting with each other off set.

Theater Pick Up Line: Hey there, Im auditioning for the part of an angel soon, so I was hoping that you could tell me what it's like?

Staged Actor Pick Up Line: Hey dude, are you a method actor? 'Cause you are really in my head.

Actor Pick Up Line: Hey girl, I think I'm mic tape 'cause I'm stuck on you.

Q. If a van with four actors drives off a cliff, what is the tragedy in that?
A. You can fit more than four in a van.

Q. How can you tell an airplane if full of actors?
A. When the engine stalls, the whining continues.

Q. Which stage bread only appears for a short time?
A. Cameo Rolls.

Q. Why was the werewof considered such a great Broadway actor?
A. He always took parts he could really dig his teeth into.

Actor Pick Up Line: Hey big guy, are you the stage manager? 'Cause when you're around, everything just makes sense.

Actor Chat Up Line: Hey girl, are you the mic that was left on too long? 'Cause you're so hot!

Q. How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, as long as it's a revolving stage.

Q. How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Well, it depends what the script says...

Q. How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. That's the stage manager's job.

Actor Pick Up Line: Hey girl, I think I'm the spotlight and you're the light crew 'cause you turn me on.

Q. How many method actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Uh, what's the light bulb's motivation?

Actor Pick Up Line: Hey babe, are you my lines? 'Cause I'll never forget you.

Actor Come-On: Hey girl, to start my role of a lifetime, all I need is you as my co-star.

Q. What is a vampire's favorite Shakespeare play?
A. A Midsummer Bite's Dream.

Q. Why did Count Dracula take up acting?
A. Because it was in his blood.

Bloody Funny Point to Ponder: Do beginning vampire actors have to go to batting practice?

Q. Why did Dr. Frankenstein give up his dream to become an actor?
A. Because he couldn't get the parts.

Q. What is an undead monster's favorite play?
A. Romeo and Ghouliet.

Q. How does a wannabe actor get into a ghost drama school?
A. Just act supernatural.

Actor Hookup Line: Hey girl, let's get familiar with each other's body of work.

Q. What do the sun and a stripper have in common?
A. Both circle the pole.

Q. Why don't pirates go to strip clubs?
A. Because they already know where all the good booty is!

Q. What is a Colorado Rainbow Trout's main goal?
A. To keep his daughter off the pole.

Actor Come-On: Hey girl, when they took my headshot they told me to smile, so I thought about you.

Actor Hookup Line: Hey girl, are you my sonnet? 'Cause I see us ending as a couplet.

Actor Hookup Line: Hey girl, I don't need a premiere to show you an opening night.

Q. How do critics rank dramatic musical works?
A. Standard opera-rating procedure.

Q. Which old opera was about a valet's comedic attempt to secure his boat?
A. The Moorage of Figaro.

Q. Which popular musical was about a small chicken that performs arias?
A. Bantam of the Opera.

Q. What do directors do with dead actors?
A. They put them in the chorus.

Actor Chat Up Line: Hey baby, I shall compare thee to a mid summer day. Hot!

Actor Chat Up Line: Hey babe, are you Macbeth? 'Cause your name sends shivers down my spine.

Q. How many actors does it take to wallpaper a room?
A. Three, if you slice their parts thinly enough.

Q. How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, but 99 other actors will claim they could have done it better.

Did you hear about the new hit Broadway show about puns? It was just a play on words.

Q. What did Hamlet say when he didn't know which leg bone was which?
A. Tibia or not tibia?

Actor Pick Up Line: Hey babe, if you were a script, I would never want to go off-book.

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