Q. How did Beethoven travel around Europe?
A. He took the Ludwig Van.

Q. Why was the music theorist drunk?
A. He tried to use a fifth with his tonic.

Q. Why did the pirate buy a Pavoratti album?
A. Because he loved the high Cs.

Q. Why did the classical orchestra disband?
A. They went Baroque.

Melodic Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, you must be a muscian, 'cause you're playing my favorite tune.

Q. What is the best gift a musician could ever receive?
A. A broken drum. You can't beat it!

Q. Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
A. He accidentally stapled himself to the chicken.

Pick-Up a Percussionist Line: Hey big guy, are you a drummer? 'Cause I'm feelin' some really good vibes.

Chat Up a Musician Line: Hey baby, do you play percussion? 'Cause those are some big mallets you've got there.

Q. What is Iceman's favorite band?
A. Cold Play!

Q. What do you call a bunch of rock musicians in a hot tub?
A. Vegetable Soup.

Q. Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A. No, but just hum a few bars and I'll play it for you.

Finely Tuned Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, you are looking really sharp! So, let's go back to my flat and get natural.

Q. What's the difference between a Fender and a Les Paul?
A. The Les Paul burns longer...

Did you hear about the farmer who played guitar out in his cornfield? It was music to his ears.

Q. Why are rock band's members all such perverts?
A. Because the drummer sits in back beating it, the guitarist is fingering minors, the basist is slapping it around and they all like the pianist.

Q. What does a ghost pianist dream about?
A. Sheet music.

Q. How do you threaten a classical music buff?
A. Tell him to watch his Bach.

Q. Why didn't Handel go shopping?
A. Because he was baroque!

Q. What is it called if a classical musician has to use the toilet more than three times in one day?
A. The fourth movement.

If you can't sing with a mouth full of garbanzo beans, just hummus a tune!

Q. What music do chefs listen to while stir frying?
A. Wok 'n Roll.

Q. What is it called when flat bread sings?
A. Pita wrap.

Q. Which rapper always gives away four cans of beer?
A. 2Pac.

Q. What do doctors call it when you have jazz in your blood?
A. Deep vein trombonesis.

Q. What is the dynamic range of bass trombone?
A. On or Off.

Q. What do four trombones sound like at the bottom of the sea?
A. A Great Idea!

Trumpet players do it with three fingers. Tuba players do it with four fingers. But, trombonists do it in seven positions.

Q. Which oldie Halloween song is guaranteed to ire a monster today?
A. The Monster Mash.

Q. What song do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
A. Auld Fang Syne.

Q. Which high-octane song do vampires sing while they're waiting for gas?
A. Vampire Blues by Neil Young.

Q. What goes on when a ghostly church musician and a surgeon specter hang out in the great beyond?
A. They just chill and talk about organs.

Q. Why was the tone-deaf kid sent to singing lessons?
A. 'Cause singing is a skill he'd a choir.

Q. What is the difference between a soprano and a pitbull?
A. The jewelry.

Q. What is the difference between a soprano and a pirhana?
A. The lipstick.

Q. Why was the soprano standing outside the door?
A. She forgot the key.

Q. What raised the musician's car insurance rates?
A. Accidentals.

Q. What's the difference between a conductor and a stagecoach driver?
A. The stagecoach driver only has to look at four horse's asses.

Q. What happened when soldiers were given musical instruments instead of guns?
A. There was no war, just violins.

Instrumental Tip of the Day: Too much sax and violins can only lead to treble.

Q. Why do bands have bass players?
A. To translate for the drummer.

Q. What did the drummer name his daughters?
A. Anna 1, Anna 2.

Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with a band?
A. The Drummer.

Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a toilet?
A. A toilet seat only has to deal with one ass at a time.

Q. What message did the pianist leave for his wife?
A. Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a minuet.

Q. Which good old goat still plays the piano, man?
A. Billy Joel.

Life is like a piano. White keys are happy moments and black keys are sad moments. But remember, both keys are played together to give sweet music.
– Unknown

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