Q. What does an artichoke say when you eat salad?
A. Aw, have a heart!

Salad Point to Ponder: If you wear cowboy boots and western wear, are you ranch dressing?

Q. Why did the man from Oz eat artichokes?
A. He sought heart.

Historical Salad Fact: Did you know any salad can become Caesar salad? Yes, if you stab it enough times...

Q. What is the extra charge for the side salad at the golf course clubhouse?
A. A greens fee.

Nobody likes bland salad. That's a problem that needs a-dressing.

Q. What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A. A Salad Shooter.

Q. What do you get if you cross a melon and broccoli?
A. A melon-coli salad.

Q. What did the salad say to the anchovie?
A. Lettuce be friends.

I could have sworn I heard giggling coming out of my salad. It must have been the tickled onions!

Q. Why did the tomato and the corn fall in love?
A. He whispered sweet nothings into her ear.

Q. What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the fridge door?
A. Hey, close the door. I'm dressing!

A man goes to his doctor with a piece of lettuce stuck in his ear. Doc shakes his head and says, "That's just the tip of the iceberg."

Q. What do you call a hen with a piece of lettuce in her eye?
A. Chicken sees-a salad.

Going Greens Groan of the Day: When my wife packs me a salad for lunch, all I want to know is what I did wrong.

Q. What is a penguin's favorite salad ingredient?
A. Iceberg Lettuce.

Q. What is the difference between a salad and a baby?
A. Nobody gets hurt when you toss a salad.

Q. What does the Green Giant wear when he goes to a corporate board meeting?
A. A three peas suit.

Q. What does a guy with clogged arteries say about the first course?
A. Salad? That's what my food eats...

Green Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, are you salad? 'Cause I think I'm falling in lovage.

Q. Which will win the salad race: the lettuce, a faucet, or a tomato?
A. The lettuce is a head, the faucet is still running, and the tomato will eventually ketchup.

Q. What does the host of a TV cooking competition say to begin the food fighting?
A. Lettuce Begin!

Q. Why was the veggie salad in a vulnerable position?
A. Because it was undressed.

Murphy's Slaw: If Cabbage can go rotten, it will.

Leafy Green Pick-Up Line: Whoa baby! It looks like heaven must be missing an ambrosia salad.

Q. What did the lettuce say to the celery?
A. Quit stalking me!

Salad Bar Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, if f you're the first course, I'd like my salad undressing.

Q. What kind of salad can you buy at a gas station convenience store?
A. Regular and un-lettuced .

Q. What is green and sings?
A. Elvis Parsley.

Knock knock. Who's there?
Distressing. Distressing who?
Distressing has too much vinegar.

Q. What is a salad chef's favorite novel?
A. War and Peas.

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