Q. Which part of a trilogy is always a real stinker?
A. Da Turd Part!

Q. What did one turd say about another turd's good news?
A. That's just craptastic!

Q. What do New Yorkers call a bird that poops on your head?
A. A stool pigeon.

Q. Which kind of shirt does a piece of poop wear?
A. A turd-e-lneck.

Q. What do both your toilet and butt call it when a giant turd is on the way?
A. A groaner.

Q. What did one fly ask another fly at a social gathering?
A. Is this stool taken?

Poop-ular Ad Slogan: Eat sh*t! 'Cause trillions of flies cannot be wrong!

Q. Which chocolate brown frozen confection dog treat never made it to market?
A. Poopsicles.

Q. How are cow pies and cowgirls alike?
A. Pardner, the older they are, the easier they are to pick up!

Q. What does a toilet and a street fight have in common?
A. Shit goes down.

Q. What is green and smelly?
A. Incredible Hulk poop!

Q. What do you call it when a drunk passes out on the toilet?
A. Pooper Stuper.

Q. Who protected fossilized human excrement in silent films?
A. The Keystone Cop-rolites.

Q. Why was the guy alarmed after using the toilet and taking a really huge dump?
A. Because he feared he lost one turd of his weight.

Q. What is brown and sits in the corner of the courtroom?
A. Jury doodie.

Q. What did one butt cheek say to the other?
A. Oh gosh, that horrible smell is coming from the corridor.

Q. How did the Cache la Poudre River get its name?
A. Early explorers saw Sasquatch and Bigfoot tossing turds at each other across the river.

Q. What did one turd ask his hot date?
A. Is that love in the air?

Did you hear about the guy who was suffering from diarrhea for the past few days? He's finally making some solid progress now.

Pooper Scooper: Dude, I make $500 a week picking up dog sh*t.
Dude: That's gross.
Pooper Scooper: No, that's net.

Q. What do you call a magical poop?
A. PooDini!

Q. Are poop jokes the most popular toilet humor theme?
A. No, butt they are a solid #2!

Q. What does a baker call it when he's stealing away in the restroom for a moment?
A. Pinching a loaf.

Q. How did one guy get over his chronic diarrhea?
A. He made some positive lifestyle changes and really got his shit together.

Q. How are dog poop and women alike?
A. The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.

When the plumber broke up with his girlfriend, he said, "It's over, Flo."

Student: I heard there was a dinosaur that left turd trails to navigate back out of the jungle.
Paleontologist: That's poop-postoraus.

Q. How does a dung beetle make his house smell better?
A. With aromatic Poop-ourri!

Poop is a crap palindrome.

Q. What is brown and hidden behind the wall?
A. Humpty's dump.

Did you hear about the plumbers who went to Vegas to play some craps?

Q. Where does a pirate go when he has diarrrhea?
A. The poop deck.

Q. Why was the farmer arguing with the pushy fertilizer salesman?
A. 'Cause there was only so much bullshit he was willing to take.

Q. Wanna hear a dog poop joke?
A. Never mind. It really stinks...

Q. What did the poop say to the fart?
A. Wow, you just blew me away!

Q. How did pirates describe ocean conditions after the whole crew took a dump?
A. Poop-sea.

Q. What kind of bathroom humor do butts like best?
A. Shitty jokes.

Did you hear about the guy who claimed smoking cannabis was giving him diarrhea? His doctor told him to shit and get off the pot.

Q. What do reporters call a news story about dog sh*t? ?
A. A Poop Scoop.

Q. What do you call Clark Kent when he's got diarrhea?
A. Super duper pooper.

Q. What is the lament of sad poop spiraling toward an anus?
A. The end is near!

Q. What is a fart?
A. The lonely cry of an abandoned turd.

Q. What should you say to somebody who is anxious about having diarrhea?
A. Dude, don't lose your shit!

Q. What does your dog say when you ask him to produce a feces specimen for the vet?
A. It's the least I could doo.

People who tell you that they're constipated are full of crap.

Q. How does a swimmer piece of shit greet the rest of the guys in the pool?
A. What's crappening, turds!

Q. What happened when the guy called in sick to work because he had diarrhea?
A. His boss told him to get his shit together.

Q. Why are butt jokes so funny?
A. Because they're sure to crack you up!

Two dogs meet on the street and do a ritual sniff. One turns to the other and says, "I don't recall your name, but the feces familiar."

Q. Why does Piglet smell so bad?
A. Because he likes to play with Pooh!

Q. When shouldn't you tell a stinking funny poop joke?
A. If it's just too crappy.

Q. Why don't elevators have toilets?
A. Because that's taking shit to a whole new level.

Q. What did the grumpy old man do about his constipation?
A. Nothing. He just stopped giving a shit.

Q. What did the caveman say when he saw a big African animal taking a dump?
A. Look! There's a hip-poop-potamus.

Did you hear about the guy at Burger King who took a dump in the restroom? Naturally, it was a Whopper.

Q. Why isn't there a National Constipation Day?
A. Because nobody gives a shit.

You wanna hear a poop joke? Oh nevermind ... It's too corny.

Q. What do you call an experimental high tech toilet made out of iron, carbon, and aluminum?
A. A FeCAl Matter.

Q. What happens when Fred Flinstone uses the toilet?
A. He makes a yabba dabba doo.

Q. What will they call a crappy cop after a successful weight reduction diet a million years from now?
A. A Coprolite.

Q. Which soft drink do proctologists enjoy in the office breakroom?
A. Poopsie Cola.

Q. Why is constipation such a big problem?
A. Because if you ignore that shit, it becomes a real pain in the ass.

Q. How are a plumber and a bodybuilder alike?
A. They both like pumping iron.

Q. Wanna hear a wolf scat joke?
A. Never mind. It really stinks...

Q. What do you call a reporter who does stories about dirty dog parks?
A. A Pooper Scooper.

Q. Why don't you ever fart in church?
A. Because you need to sit in your pew!

Q. Why did the contestant miss the word constipation at the spelling bee?
A. Because that shit was harder than he'd thought.

Q. What happens if you accidentally swallow Scrabble tiles?
A. Your next bowel movement could spell disaster.

Restroom Point to Ponder: You really to have to hand it to toilets because they really take a lot of shit.

Q. What do you call it when you're diagnosed with paranoia and constipation?
A. Scared Shitless!

Q. Why do dogs always stop to sniff anonymous dog sh*t?
A. It's aromatic poop-pourri to them.

People say love is the best feeling ever. But I think finding a toilet when you're having a sudden attack of diarrhea is better.

Q. What is Teddy bear poop called?
A. Fleeces.

Q. Which day of the week is the favorite for human excrement?
A. Turds-Day.

Q. What is proctologist's favorite classic toy?
A. A Tonka drump truck.

Q. How is getting an Amber Alert while you're on the toilet like winning the lottery?
A. Those alerts are designed to scare the crap out of you!

Q. What is the most productive time to take your dog for a walk?
A. Poo-thirty.

Q. What happened when a truck carrying intestines for transplant collided with a truck hauling chairs on the highway?
A. It was a catastrophic bowel movement, and bits of stool went everywhere!

Q. How are your boss and a diaper alike?
A. Both are always on your ass and full of shit.

Q. What do you call a TV episode that's dedicated to past flatulence?
A. A gassy montage.

Q. What happened when the guy registered at a website for constipation sufferers?
A. It wouldn't let him log out!

Q. What happened after the dog ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles?
A. He kept leaving little messages all over the house...

Q. Which movie role did John Travolta turn down after reading the script?
A. Poop Fiction.

Q. How do you know if a toilet is lying to you?
A. Just look inside to see if it's full of shit.

Q. What’s it called when a skeleton poops in your toilet and doesn't flush?
A. A spooky dookie.

Q. Which snack do dogs prefer while watching a crappy movie with their human?
A. Poop-corn.

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