"Get your poop in a group" is a childish way of saying "get your sh*t together," but "gather the pieces of your feces" says it best. Plus, that confuses E.T.

Q. What did the feces call the lies some turd told him?
A. Poop Fiction!

Q. Why are men's rooms always on the left and ladies' rooms always on the right?
A. Because no matter what, women are always right, even when they're full of shit.

Q. What kind of humor do toilets enjoy most often?
A. Shitty jokes.

Two flies are sitting on a pile of poop. One fly farts, and the other fly yells, "Hey, I'm trying to eat here!"

Q. What do you call it when you get in your car, and then realize you need to use the bathroom?
A. A turd of events.

Q. What kind of jokes do toilets really eat up?
A. Crappy puns.

Q. When shouldn't you tell a crappy joke?
A. If it's just too corny.

Q. What is the worst thing about being constipated?
A. Nobody gives a shit that you can't!

Q. How did the proctologist refer to his now ex-wife?
A. Poopsie.

Q. What kind of car does a protologist drive?
A. A BMW.

Q. What happens if the power goes off while you're in the bathroom?
A. You can't see shit.

Q. What happens if your doctor diagnoses you with both anxiety and constipation?
A. You worry shitless.

I farted at work today. They called in the plumbers to look for a leak in the sewage system.

Q. What is the busiest time in public restrooms?
A. Poo Thirty!

Q. What do you call a fart in German?
A. Fartfropoopin!

Q. How do you keep a dog from pooping in your front yard?
A. Keep him in the backyard!

The new boss has designated bathroom break times for all the employess. Now it's my turn. I don't need this shit!

Understatement of the Day: Constipation can be a serious problem. No Shit!

Q. What do you call a dog that eats another dog's feces?
A. Pooper scooper.

Q. On a freezing cold day, what does your dog call the treats he made for you?
A. Poopsicles.

Q. Have you seen that new movie Constipated?
A. It hasn't come out yet.

Q. What happens after you spray orange-scented air freshener in your bathroom?
A. Then it smells like shitrus.

Bathroom Pick-Up Line: My love for you is just explosive diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.

Q. What do you call a 12-inch turd?
A. A foot stool!

Q. How do you get the bathroom unlocked in a hurry?
A. Use a doo-key!

Potty Point to Ponder: Are people who constantly talk about constipation just full of crap?

Q. Why should you always tip the bathroom attendant?
A. Because he's certainly seen some shit.

You can take the man out of the sewer, but you can't take the sewer out of the man. – Trixie Norton

Q. What does a hipster get if he poops in his skinny jeans?
A. Dungarees.

Q. Which human turds are recorded in history?
A. Coprolites.

Q. How is working in a dead end job just like constipation?
A. Because you just don't give a shit!

Two bats were just hanging out when one asks the other, "Do you remember your worst day last year?" Second bat replies, "Yeah, the day I had diarrhea."

Q. How does a fart refer to the love of his brief life?
A. Poopsie.

Did you hear the joke about the turd? Never mind, it really stinks.

Shitty Pun of the Day: Constipation jokes may not be your favorite, but they're certainly a solid number two.

Q. Why do cherry trees stink?
A. Because George Washington cut one!

Q. What do you call an eskimo's diarrhea?
A. A poopsicle.

Q. Why are turds always tired?
A. Because they're pooped out!

Q. Why did the crappy policeman become a paleontologist?
A. Because he was a real coprolite.

Q. What is so shitty about constipation?
A. Nothing!

Q. Why do farts smell?
A. For the benefit of the hearing impared.

Who else is glad that Tootsday and Turdsday are two days apart?

Q. What does a religious man say to the toilet before he flushes?
A. Holy Shit.

Q. Why did the lawyer ask the witness if he had to go to the bathroom?
A. Because his testimony was full of crap.

Q. Why is animal poop sexy?
A. Because the birds and bees doo it.

I was going to tell you a poop joke, but it's a real stinker.

Q. What do you call a tiny arachnid with a nasty case of diarrhea?
A. An itsy shitsy spider.

Q. What did the turd say to the fart?
A. That last one really blew me away!

Q. What did diarrhea say to poop?
A. Wow, you really are in shape!

Q. Is eating cow patties the miracle cure for human digestive ailments?
A. No. It's just a load of bullshit.

A man accidentally farts loudly at a party. Another man growls, "How dare you fart before my sister!" The farter replies, "Sorry, I didn't know it was her turn."

Q. Why should you never mess with a janitor who is cleaning a clogged bathroom?
A. Because when they're plunging a toilet, shit goes down.

Q. Which part of a Chicago trilogy is a real stinker?
A. Da Turd Part.

Q. What time does a rooster wake up and visit the outhouse?
A. At the crap of dawn.

Crappy Point to Ponder: If pooping is the call of nature, then is a fart a missed call?

If pizzas were manhole covers, the sewer would be paradise. – Ed Norton

Q. What did the constipated guy say to the stubborn stool?
A. You may think you're the shit, but to me you're just a turd waiting to be flushed.

Shitty Joke of the Day: Constipation is no laughing matter.

When you're up hootin' with the owls and you need to move your bowels, is the moment magical? I stink not!

Q. What is another name for the handicapped stall in the restroom?
A. A handicrapped zone.

Q. What is brown and sounds like a bell?
A. Dung!

Q. What did the priest say before he flushed the toilet?
A. Holy Crap!

Q. What do you call it when you can't open the door to the bathroom?
A. Pooper stupid.

Q. What kind of jokes do bidets like best?
A. Crappy humor.

Q. How do you know the pills you took for constipation are not working?
A. Because they didn't do shit!

Q. What did the doctor say about using medical marijuana for constipation?
A. He said, "Shit, or get off the pot."

Plumbers are the only folks who can feel good about being sh*tty!

Q. Why should you always hope a liar does blow up?
A. 'Cause he's full of shit!

Q. Why do Denver Broncos fart?
A. Because they can't acheive full horse power without gas!

Q. Which event do gamey toilets bet on every year?
A. The Pooper Bowl.

Q. Where does hot sh*t stay in downtown Denver?
A. The Brown Palace.

Q. What did the guy say to the blonde when he playfully slapped her butt?
A. Hi, Poopsie!

Q. What kinds of dogs did the superstitious guy get to prevent future constipation?
A. A Shih Tzu and a Poodle.

Q. What is it called when a redneck shoots a bucket of cow manure?
A. A crap shoot.

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