A guy walks into a bar wrapped in a blanket. Bartender says, "For you, there's no cover charge."

A guy walks into a graveyard bar and asks the bartender for a beer. Bartender replies, "Sorry, we only serve spirits here."

A man walks into a bar. OUCH! You would think he would have seen it!

Q. Why did the clumsy guy drop his bottle of spirits in the liquor store parking lot?
A. 'Cause he just can't handle his booze.

A guy walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "How's it going?" Guy replies, "Okay, I guess. Holding my own." "That's good," says the bartender, "You'd get arrested if you held somebody else's."

Bartender Fact of the Day: Wise men drink wine. Budweiser men drink beer.

A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender asks, "Why the short face?"

Q. What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A. A Sherry Picker.

Fine Wine Fact of the Day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

A guy's wife crashed the car again today. She told the cops the man she collided with was on his phone and had a bottle of beer in his hand. The cop replied, "He can do whatever he wants in his living room."

Q. Why did the tech guy prefer Colorado craft beer?
A. Because his head is in the cloud.

The last man on Earth walks into a bar and says, "Drink, I'd like another bartender."

Q. What happened when the guy got hit in the head with a beer bottle?
A. It didn't break the skin, but it did leave a nasty brews.

Q. What does a man have in common with a bottle of beer?
A. They're both empty from the neck up.

Q. What do you call a beer-drinking man without a six-pack?
A. Beer belly.

Q. Why wasn't the guy angry after burglars stole all his booze?
A. Because they lifted his spirits.

When the bartender asked the patron if he wanted his whiskey without ice, the guy replied, "Sure, that would be neat."

Two guys were hanging at the bar. First guy says, "My wife is just like whiskey." Second guy comments, "Oh, she gets better with age?" "No," replies the first guy, "She gives me a headache."

A man walks into a Miami bar with an alligator and asks the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" Bartender says, "Sure." Man replies, "Great! Beer for me and a lawyer for my friend here."

Q. What do you call the guy who drank vodka and ended up in a mental hospital?
A. An Absolut madman.

Q. Why did it take the blonde guy a whole week to topple his heady beer?
A. 'Cause foam wasn't spilt in a day!

A guy came home late after his poker game and saw a note on the refrigerator saying, "This isn't working. I'm going to my mother's house." He opened the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold, so he wasn't sure what she was talking about?

A man attempted to smuggle sausage and vodka out of Europe in his suitcase. But the baggage caught on fire and the plane had to be evacuated. It was the Absolut wurst case scenario!

A guy and a dog are having a few drinks at the bar. So the dog says, "That's ruff, but you think your wife's a bitch?"

Q. Why did the gallant guy rescue the wine?
A. Because it was trapped in a bottle!

Q. Why did the outlaw walk into the bar with a paper towel over his hair?
A. Because he had a Bounty on his head.

Q. Why did the alcoholic keep switching between vodka and whiskey?
A. He was great at multi flasking.

Q. What did the bartender say to the patron who was drinking his vodka way too fast?
A. Stop, Russian!

Q. What is the definition of a successful hunting trip?
A. When three men manage to kill nine cases of beer in two days.

Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour. But, teach him how to brew and he wastes a lifetime.

Q. Why was the redneck who liked to shoot guns and drink whiskey all bummed out?
A. Because he was all out of shots.

Two guys were fishing in a boat when one guy pulled a genie in a bottle out of the lake. The grateful genie grants them one wish. First guys says, "I wish this lake was full of beer." Poof! It's beer. Second guy says, "You idiot, now we have to pee in the boat!"

Son, when I was your age, there was no social media. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducked.

Q. Why did the guy go to the brew pub to think before quitting his job?
A. Because he needed to draft a letter of resignation...

Q. What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
A. The sofa doesn't keep asking for Bud Light!

Brew Pub Fact of the Day: Men do make passes at girls with empty glasses.

Q. Why do hairy men love Colorado craft beer pubs during No Shave November?
A. Because in Denver, that's Novem-Beered.

A guy walks into a bar with a small salamander on his shoulder. Bartender asks, "What do you call that?" Guy replies, "Oh I call him Tiny, because he's my newt."

Q. What happened when the soldier went to a bar in enemy territory?
A. He got bombed.

A drunken man gets on a bus, staggers down the aisle, and sits next to an old lady. She looks at him and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell." The drunk jumps up and screams, "Whoa, I'm on the wrong bus!"

Men have feelings, too. Sometimes they feel thirsty.

Did you hear about the amnesiac who walked into a bar? He asked a blonde if he comes there often...

A proctologist walks into a bar at the end of the day. Before he takes a seat, he examines the stool.

He was in a pub when he proposed. It was very romantic ­ he got up on one knee.

Q. What's the difference between pigs and men?
A. Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

A guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are A-holes!" Man at the end of the bar says, "Hey, I object to that!" Guy asks, "Why, are you a lawyer?" Man replies, "No, I'm an A-hole."

Did you hear about the guy who couldn't decide between vodka and whiskey? He was very good at multi-flasking.

Q. What did the guy call the image of a drink flask on his arm?
A. A Thermos-tat.

Did you hear about the guy who quit drinking liquor for good? Now he drinks for evil.

After a round of golf, a guy goes to the club bar. A blonde sits next to him and says, "I'm a hooker." Golfer replies, "If you turn your hands on the shaft a bit more to the left, you'll slightly slice."

Q. What does beer say to the guy who tells tall tales?
A. Cool story, Brew!

Q. What is it called when a fun guy ties his belt around a barroom seat and pulls it behind him?
A. A towed stool.

A guy walks into a bar. He says, "OUCH!" ... It was a crowbar.

Q. What do you call a man with a pint of Labatt on his head?
A. A taxi. Clearly, he's had too much to drink and is being a nuisance.

Q. Why did the drunken college freshman blow chunks all over the house?
A. Because he wasn't party trained.

Q. What happened to the Irishman who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year?
A. He gave up thinking.

A guy and a giraffe walk into a bar. The giraffe gets drunk and passes out. Bartender says, "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there." The guy replies, "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

Q. What did the guy think when the drunken ventriloquist said she wanted to sleep with the bartender?
A. He didn't know if it was she or the beer talking.

A guy was browsing at the liquor store, so the clerk asked, "Do you need help?" The guy replied, "Yes, but I'm here to get whiskey instead."

A guy stumbles into the airport bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter chips?" Bartender replies, "No, we only have the plain ones."

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if they serve women in this bar. Bartender replies, "No, you have to bring your own."

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