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Bourbon
Jokes, Whiskey Puns, Wry Rye Humor
Enjoy
a shot of bourbon humor, redeye likker laughs, corny hooch puns and Scotch
whisky jokes.
Whiskey Jokes, Hooch Humor, Scotch Puns
(Because Moonshine Jokes and
Mountain Dew Puns Are TOO Mainstream While You're
Enjoying a Bottle of Jack!) |
Warning:
Proceed Cautiously! Aged whiskey jokes, hooch humor, white lightning
laughs and rotgut puns ahead.
| Wry Whiskey Jokes | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Cocktail
LOLs | 2 | 3
| Drunk Puns |
| Cold Beer Jokes | Ale-ful
Colorado Craft Beer Puns | Beer
IS Better Than... | Bartender
Jokes |
| Wine Jokes | Ladies
Night Bar Jokes | Man Drinking Jokes
| Scary Drink Puns | Holiday
Drinks |
| Sports Bar Jokes | Animal
Walks Into a Bar Jokes | Sci-Fi Space
Bar Puns | Bar Pick-Up Lines
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Q.
What do you get if you cross Vincent Van Gogh with George
Thorogood?
A. One bourbon, one scotch, and one ear.
Two
guys were hanging at the bar. First guy says, "My wife
is just like whiskey." Second guy comments, "Oh,
she gets better with age?" "No," replies
the first guy, "She gives me a headache."
Q.
Why does whiskey come in fifths?
A. 'Cause that's what you need when you're feeling two
tense.
Q.
What is the difference between whiskey and a battery?
A. The battery has a negative side. |
Drunken
Tip of the Day: If you want a promotion at work, just walk
around your office yelling, "Vodka! Tequila! Jack
Daniels!" This makes you the one who calls the
shots!
Whiskey
Wisdom of he Day: When life gives you lemons, make whiskey
sours!
A
guy was browsing at the liquor store, so the clerk asked,
"Do you need help?" The guy replied, "Yes,
but I'm here to get whiskey instead."
Q.
What happens when a ghost drinks too much Tennessee whiskey?
A. It ends up sheet faced!
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Q.
Why did the Kentucky entrepreneur decide not to open a new
bourbon company?
A. Because that's a whiskey business.
Q.
Why shouldn't you drink whiskey while you do calculus?
A. Because it's against the law to drink and derive.
Happy
Hour Point to Ponder: Drinking Jack Daniels might not be
the solution to your problems, but it's worth a shot!
Q.
KaPow! What does Batman put in his whiskey?
A. Just-ice. |
Drunken
Point to Ponder: If you ask a liquor store clerk to help
you find the good Scotch, does that make him your spirit
guide?
Q.
Why was the redneck who liked to shoot guns and drink whiskey
all bummed out?
A. Because he was all out of shots.
Bartender
Wisdom of the Day: Whiskey may not be the answer, but it's
surely worth a second shot.
Sobering
Point to Ponder: If an alchoholic gets whiskey dick, does
a heroine user get poppycock? |
"Your
finest Scotch, please." So the guy at Staples hands
me a 12-year-old roll of tape...
Q.
What did the guy say when the bartender asked if he wanted
his Wild Turkey without ice?
A. Sure, that'd be neat!
An
SEO expert walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a
quick shot of whiskey, bourbon, Jack Daniels, Jim Beam,
Seagrams 7, Jameson... Yeah, he walked out drunk,
blitzed, blasted, tipsy, intoxicated, inebriated, two sheets
to the wind, f-ed up, stoned, fried, zoned, sloshed...
|
Distilled
Point to Ponder: If you drink half a bottle of whiskey,
is the bottle half empty or half full? That doesn't matter
because you're fully loaded.
When
the bartender asked the patron if he wanted his whiskey
without ice, the guy replied, "Sure, that would be
neat."
Q.
Who wrote the whiskeyed-up book, Town Drunks Of The
Old West?
A. Sal Oon.
Q.
Why is whiskey better than a woman?
A. Whiskey never has a headache, although it may give you
a headache in the morning. |
A
fish walks into a bar and orders a Scotch and water, and
tells the bartender: "Hold the Scotch, and bring it
in a large bowl."
Q.
How are the French Revolution and Prohibition alike?
A. Both got rid of Bourbons.
Q.
What is Whiskey Wednesday?
A. It's like Meatless Monday and Taco Tuesday, but for badasses!
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Drunken
Fun Fact of the Day: Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary.
So I looked it up on Whiskeypedia and learned if
you drink too much, it's likely tequil-ya!
Q.
What is a worst-case rescue scenario?
A. The Saint Bernard arrives with an empty keg around his
neck.
Q.
How do women and whiskey age alike?
A. The packaging gets a little messed up, but the stuff
inside stays pretty much the same. |
Q.
What happened when a guy met a drunk ventriloquist at the
bar?
A. She said she wanted to sleep with him, but he didn't
know if it was her or Jim Beam doing the talking.
Q.
How do you get a computer drunk?
A. Give it screen shots of whiskey!
Did
you hear about the guy who couldn't decide between vodka
and whiskey? He was very good at multi-flasking.
|
Q.
Why did the alcoholic keep switching between vodka and whiskey?
A. He was great at multi flasking.
Q.
How does whiskey turn you into Cinderella?
A. You leave the house looking fine and spend the night
dancing away, but by the end of the night, you're a hot
mess missing a shoe.
Whiskey
Wisecrack of he Day: Redbull may give you wings, but whiskey
gives you balls.
Q.
What might open the gates to Heaven?
A. Whis-Key.
Did
you hear about the guy who quit drinking whiskey for good?
Now he drinks for evil. |
I'm
on a whiskey diet. I think I've lost three days already...
Drunken
Asshole Words of the Day: I like my women like I like my
whiskey – light brown, from the South, and kept in
a lightless cabinet only to be taken out on special occasions.
Q.
What's the difference between a beautiful gown and a bottle
of whiskey?
A. The gown can make one girl look gorgeous, but the whiskey
can make all the ladies look lovely.
Q.
What should you do with an old inventory of Kentucky Bourbon?
A. Liquidate it, one mellow sip at a time.
Q.
Why didn't the entrepanuer in Tennessee open his dream distillery?
A. 'Cause his accountant said that was a whiskey business
investment.
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Q.
How does a cannibal prefer his whiskey?
A. With a taste of Pete.
Q.
What did the blonde say after somebody told her to drink
less whiskey?
A. Duh! I can't find that brand anywhere!
Q.
Which Tom Cruise film was boycotted by moonshiners in Apalachia?
A. Whiskey Business.
Q.
Which brand of barley-based brew was named after a world-renowned
animator?
A. Malt Disney.
Q.
How do you make the perfect martini?
A. Dump the gin, vermouth, and olives in the trash where
they belong, and open a bottle of Jack Daniels!
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|
Wry Whiskey Jokes | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Cocktail
Jokes | 2 | 3
| Drunk Puns |
| Beer Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer
IS Better! | Bartender
Puns | 2 | 3
|
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2
| 3 | Ladies
Night Bar Jokes | Man Drinking Jokes,
Guy In a Bar LOLs |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2
| 3 | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry
Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Sports Bar Jokes, Sport Drinking Puns
| Scary Cocktail Jokes, BOOze
Puns | Alchoholic Jokes |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes
| Space Bar Puns | Drunken
Holiday Grins | Drunken Gnomes
|
| Beverage Jokes | Soda
Funny Soft Drink Jokes | Coffee Puns,
Java Jokes, Espresso Humor | 2
|
| Waiter Jokes | Restaurant
Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger
Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack
Puns |

You've toasted along this far,
so here's another shot of laughter,
wry jokes,
redeye humor and oaky
painful puns that'll surly lift
your spirits:
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More
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Jokes | Broncos Jokes |
Canadian Jokes | Chef
Puns | Colorado Jokes | Ghost
Jokes |
| Head Jokes | Hipster
Humor | Musician Jokes | Pirate
Jokes | Poker Jokes | Police
Jokes | Redneck Laughs |
| Religion Jokes | Saturday
Puns | Sci-Fi Jokes | Sports
Jokes | Superman Jokes | Weed
Jokes | Woman Jokes |
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