Q. Why are chemistry jokes so dull?
A. Because they lack the element of Surprise!

Q. What is the difference between a chemist and an alchemist?
A. Aluminum.

Q. Why are chemists great at solving problems?
A. They have all the solutions.

Q. Where do planets and their moons go to study the solar system?
A. The University!

Q. What do you call it if you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but end up crashing into one of its moons instead?
A. Europa creek with no paddle.

Q. What did the librarian say to the astronaut?
A. I'll find space for your book.

Q. How do you know your math tutor is hungry?
A. She'll work for pi.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. 'Cause they use pi-lots.

Q. What did the square ask the circle?
A. Been around long?

Dear Algebra, Please stop trying to find your X. She's never coming back, and don't ask Y.

Q. Why did the school teacher have to wear sunglasses during class?
A. Her students were SO bright!

Q. What did the gorilla learn at school?
A. The Ape B Cs.

Q. What is it called when a pencil gets superglued to the floor?
A. Stationary stationery.

Q. Why don't pens and pencils like to travel around?
A. Because they're stationery.

#1 Writer's Rule: Remember double negatives are always a NO, NO!

Q. What do story tellers and dogs have in common?
A. Both like to wag their tales.

Q. Who did not write last year's hot best seller, My Fire is Gone?
A. Em Burr.

Q. Who wrote the book, Yeah, I'm Still a Smoker?
A. Nick O. Tiene.

Q. What happened when the teacher tied everyones laces together?
A. They went on a class trip!

Q. Why did the new kid run out of the classroom with a chair?
A. 'Cause the teacher said to take a seat.

Q. Why did a Tootsie Roll go to school?
A. Because it wanted to become a Smartie!

Q. Why was the clock in the school cafeteria always slow?
A. Because it always went back four seconds.

KaPow! Oops, I blew up my chemistry experiment. Well, oxidants do happen.

Q. How do you solve a chemistry problem?
A. With a solution.

Formula Point to Ponder: If a chemistry student is too dumb to learn about Oxygen, does that make him an oxymoron?

Q. Why should you never use a test tube as a dildo?
A. Because that's F-ing vial!

Q. Why shouldn't people hate chemistry?
A. Because half-lifes matter, too.

Q. Why aren't 4s friends with 5s?
A. Cause they're odd.

Q. What did 0 say to 8?
A. Nice belt!

Q. Which number gets bigger if you turn it upside down?
A. 6.

Q. What was a T-Rex's favorite number?
A. 8!

Q. How is 3+3=9 like your left foot?
A. It's not right!

Q. Who wrote the book, You Don't Gnome Me?
A. Anne Nonny Mus.

Q. What did the sketchbook say when the novel asked a question?
A. I'm drawing a blank.

Librarian Pick-Up Line: You must be over-due, 'cause you are looking so fine!

Q. What is the tallest building in the world?
A. The library. It has the most stories.

Q. Which classic novel is about beaning brought up in the South?
A. The Adventures of Tom Soya.

Q. According to physicists, why is the world so diverse?
A. Because it's made up of alkynes of people.

Did you hear about the cult of teenage girls who worship physicist Georg Simon Ohm? In schools everywhere, you can hear them praying, "Ohm, My God!"

Now, I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn't seem to be gaining too much momentum.

Q. What happened when space aliens tried to abduct Chuck Norris?
A. The aliens were never seen again!

Smart Factoid of the Day: The Universe is not explanding. It's running away from Chuck Norris!

Q. Who was the toughest guy in the book club?
A. Conan, the Librarian.

Q. If H2O is water, then what is H2O4?
A. Drinking, bathing, swimming, irrigation, boating, surfing...

Did you know titanium is the most amorous metal? When it gets hot, it'll combine with anything.

Q. How did the scientist know the chemistry was gone from his relationship?
A. His wife couldn't get Prozac anymore, and he ran out of Viagra.

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