Two atoms were out on a walk during a thunderstorm. One of them says, "I think I lost an electron." The other atom asks, "Are you sure?" First atom replies, "Yes, I'm positive!"

Q. Why are chemistry jokes so dull?
A. Because they lack the element of Surprise!

Scientific Breakthrough Point to Ponder: Scientists have discovered a way to make dolphins invisible, but skeptics do not see the porpoise.

Q. Why are salty Painful chemistry Puns so bad?
A. They often make you go Na Na.

Q. Which chemical element is derived from a Norse god?
A. Thorium!

Q. What does a scientist say about something that doesn't exist?
A. It doesn't matter.

Scientists in Colorado have been studying the effects of cannabis on geologists. They've left no stoned unturned.

Q. Scientifically speaking, what is the longest way to spell water?
A. HIJKLMNO. (H2O)

Q. What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics?
A. Woo Pea!

Q. What is the difference between a chemist and an alchemist?
A. Aluminum.

Q. What did the scientist say when he found two helium isotopes?
A. HeHe.

Q. What is the fastest way to determine the gender of a chromosome?
A. Pull down its genes!

Q. How often should you make chemistry jokes?
A. Periodically!

Q. What should you do with a sick chemist?
A. If you can't helium and you can't curium, just barium.

Q. What did scientists confirm after announcing the first photo of a black hole?
A. Once you go black, you never do come back.

Q. Which laboratory container does a scientist use for pie experiments?
A. A peach tree dish.

Scientists just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it sooner, but it was hiding behind two other genes.

Q. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A. One molar solution.

Q. Why did the paleontologist and cryologist refuse to hang out with the biologist?
A. 'Cause that hipster was too current.

Q. Which fruit dessert did Isaac Newton always gravitate toward?
A. Fall apple pie.

Q. What happened when a new social group for rocket scientists was created?
A. It really took off.

Q. Which cologne do rocket scientists at SpaceX wear on the job?
A. Musk by Elon.

Q. Why did the robotics scientist and geneticist refuse to hang out with the archaeologist?
A. 'Cause he ascribes to Ancient Alien Theory.

I have a new theory on inertia, but it doesn't seem to be gaining any momentum...

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.

Q. What did the male stamen say to the female pistil?
A. I like your style.

Q. Why didn't the relationship between the physicist and biologist work out?
A. They realized there was no chemistry.

Q. What did the chemist say when his experiment blew up?
A. Oops! Well, oxidants happen.

Meteorologist Chat Up Line: Hey baby, you are so hot that you must be causing global warming.

Did you hear researchers finally found the gene for shyness? They would have found it sooner, but it was hiding behind two other genes.

Q. What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
A. The Nucleus.

Q. Why did the physicist and chemist refuse to hang out with the zoologist?
A. 'Cause he had a bad bio.

Science Point to Ponder: If you don't understand chemistry puns, are you a boron?

Old anthropologists never die, but they do become a part of human history.

A chemist was reading a book about helium. He just couldn't put it down.

Q. How does a scientist freshen his breath?
A. With experi-mints.

Q. What do physicists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon?
A. A Ferrous Wheel.

Science Lab Gossip of the Day: Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium got together? OMg!

Today's Science Trivia: When scientist Albert Ghiorso added twelve new bits to the periodic table, he was in his element.

Q. Why did the scientist announce the research results for his new invisibility cloak?
A. He wanted to make himself perfectly clear.

Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."
Media: "Scientist claims findings are meaningless."

Science Tip of the Day: If you ever have a problem, go to a chemist because they have all the solutions!

Did you hear that scientists now apothesize that cats are actually from Mars? NASA was sent to retrieve a specimen, but Curiousity killed it.

Q. What very moving did the scientist give to his scientist girlfriend?
A. Joules.

When a third-grade student was asked to define the term "vacuum" in class, she answered, "A vacuum is an empty region of space where the Pope lives."

Q. What was the name of the first electricity detective?
A. Sherlock Ohms.

Scientists believe that the Yellowstone super volcano is overdue for an eruption, and they're calling it Eruptile Dysfunction.

Q. What do biochemical scientists call a clown that's in jail?
A. Silicon.

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