Q. Why did the artist stop doing illustrations for currency books?
A. 'Cause he never drew a dime!

Q. Why does an accountant at a restaurant have to be so careful?
A. To ensure the books are not cooked.

Q. What is it called when someone has been suffocated by a book?
A. Murder, literally.

Literate Point to Ponder: If you don't know what the word, dictionary means, how would you look that up?

An English teacher asked a smart ass student to name two pronouns. The student replied, "Who, Me?"

Q. What happened after a kid was given a really cheap dictionary?
A. He could not find the words to say thank you.

Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Nevermind. It's tear-able.

Q. Who wrote the runaway best seller about Truancy?
A. Marcus Abs-Ent.

Q. What did the exclamation point ask the period?
A. Why aren't you bleeding?

Q. Which lawyer wrote the definitive book about mortuary mishaps titled: Lost Coffin?
A. Sue Ann Undertaker.

Q. Why didn't we ever hear about the book titled Current Trends in Wiring Your Home?
A. It turned out to be a shocking failure.

Teacher: How many books have you read in your lifetime?
Student: I dunno. I'm not dead yet.

Q. What is something that magazine and newspaper editors routinely do?
A. Make periodical changes.

Q. Which author penned the delicious new cookbook titled, Healthy Foods Must Die?
A. Chris P. Bacon.

Q. Which classic novel is about beaning brought up in the South?
A. The Adventures of Tom Soya.

Q. Who wrote the ultimate bartender's guide entitled, Thirst Quencher?
A. Bev R. Edge.

Literary Point to Ponder: If the pen is mightier than the sword, then why do actions speak louder than words?

Q. What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. Who wrote the new expose about Batman titled: Another Stand-Up Commedian?
A. Joe Carr.

Q. Which famous novel and film villain was known for using a reading desk?
A. Hannibal Lectern.

Q. Which word begins and ends with the same three letters?
A. Underground.

Have you heard about the new book about Mount Everest? It's a real cliffhanger...

Q. What do you call a portable writing surface for a person on a cruise?
A. A shipboard clipboard.

Q. Which cleaning lady really cleaned up with her latest best seller, There's a Hole In My Bucket?
A. Lee E. King.

Q. Which letters do Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday have in common?
A. None! None of them have a c, o, m, or n in them!

Q. Which zoologist wrote the definitive guide, Frogs and Toads?
A. A. M. Fibian.

Literate Point to Ponder: Dinosaurs did not read. Now they're extinct.

Q. Which section of the library should you avoid if you're afraid of snakes?
A. Hisss-tory.

Q. Which high-strung musician authored the new book, More of a Lute Than a Guitar?
A. Amand A. Lynn.

Q. Which tone-deaf music teacher wrote the book, Singin's Without Music?
A. Ackah Pella.

Q. Who did not write the definitive book about musical instruments?
A. Zyl A. Pfhone.

Q. What do you call a vicious argument between two pencils?
A. A gra-fight!

Q. Who did not write last year's hot best seller, My Fire is Gone?
A. Em Burr.

Q. Who authored the popular self-help book, How to Say NO?
A. Shirl E. Knott.

Q. How do you get ten English teachers to agree on the best teaching method?
A. Fire nine of them.

Q. Who authored the service industry best seller: Yez, How Can I Help?
A. Len D. Hand.

Q. What do planets like to read?
A. Comet books.

Q. Which author got tripped up while writing the book, Knot Tying Shoe Laces?
A. Ben Dover.

Q. Who won in the argument between the pencil and the pencil sharpener?
A. The sharpener made a better point.

Q. Which one of Santa's elves wrote the book, Just Try Harder?
A. Buster Gutt.

Q. How does a poet sneeze?
A. Haiku!

Q. Which extreme sports adventure author never finished writing the book, My Last White River Rafting Trip?
A. Watt R. Fall.

Q. What does a novel do during the winter months?
A. It puts on a book jacket.

Q. What is the longest word in the dictionary?
A. Smiles. Because there's a mile between the two Ss.

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. The newspaper!
A2. An embarassed zebra.
A3. A sunburned panda rolling down a hill.

Q. What do will writers dall the sections covering family members?
A. Relative clauses.

Q. What is it called when a pencil gets superglued to the floor?
A. Stationary stationery.

Q. Which is Emily Dickinson's favorite reindeer?
A. Dasher.

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
It's to whom!

Q. How does one describe those who get overly emotional about proper grammar usage?
A. Melo-grammatic.

Q. Which popular book series is dedicated to instructions for remedying all sorts of belly ailments?
A. For Tummies.

Q. What is a bus you can never enter?
A. A Syllabus.

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