Q. How do we all know that the toothbrush was invented in the state of Arkansas?
A. 'Cause if it was invented anywhere else, it would be called a teethbrush.

Q. How are a tornado and a divorce in Arkansas alike?
A. Either way, somebody is bound to lose a trailer.

Q. Why are residents of Arkansas into sciience?
A. Because they're into the Theory of Relativity there.

Q. Why did they raise the legal drinking age to 30 in Arkansas?
A. Because they're trying to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

Did you hear about the new law in Arkansas? Now, if a husband and wife are divorced, they still remain brother and sister.

Q. Why Calculus teachers so rare in Arkansas?
A. 'Cause they still don't really like integrating there.

Q. What is the official Arkansas state bird?
A. The Red-necked Mosquito.

Q. Why don't they bother with CSI investigations in Arkansas?
A. No dental records, and DNA testing is useless since everybody there is related.

Texas Wind Turbine: Are you a country music fan?
Another Wind Turbine: No, I'm a big metal fan.

Q. How do you feel when you witness a Texas tornado?
A. Absolutely blown away!

Q. How do Texans like their steak jokes?
A. Well done!

US State Fact of the Day: Everybody in Texas thinks their state is the greatest. But in fact, it is below OK.

Q. What happens when there's a shooting at a Wal-Mart in Texas?
A. It becomes a Target.

Q. What do locals call a Texas-sized dildo?
A. An arm-a-dildo.

Q. What is the name of the crazy fun new Mexican restaurant in east-central Texas?
A. Waco Taco.

Q. Why shouldn't you tell an earthquake joke to an Alaskan you just met?
A. Because that's a really bad ice breaker.

Q. What did the guy take a fishing vacation to Alaska?
A. Just for the halibut!

Q. What do Coloradans call a stoner from Anchorage?
A. Baked Alaskan.

Q. What do the cops in Nome say during an interrogation?
A. Alaska questions here.

Us State Groan of the Day: Alaska does have a state capital. Juneau that?

Q. What do you call a cold hooker in Nome, Alaska?
A. A frost-itute.

Q. Why can't women in Texas get a tattoo legally?
A. Because the code of the west is never draw on a woman.

Q. What is the best part about being in the middle of the state of Texas?
A. Any direction you go, you're on your way out of Texas...

Q. Why do traveling gnomes from New York like to visit Minnesota?
A. Because that's where the mini apple is.

MN Fact of the Day: The Big Apple is not a city in Minnesota, but Minneapolis is.

Q. How do you know when it's really cold in Minnesota?
A. Everybody goes into the ice areana to warm up.

US State Factoid of the Moment: Cock fighting is legal in Minnesota, as long as you don't use fowl.

Q. Why did the Minnesota Vikings walk into a bar?
A. To watch the Super Bowl.

Q. Why do all the trees in Wisconsin lean to the west?
A. Because Minnesota sucks.

Q. Which new cable channel is about pre Columbian Native American culture?
A. Tepee TV.

Q. Which anti-anxiety drug is manufactured in Southern California?
A. San Fernando Valium.

Q. Where in California do plastic citrus fruit live?
A. Orange County!

Q. Which California city is the most musical vacation destination?
A. Santa Harmonica.

Q. Where do frozen waffles go to vacation in California?
A. Sandy Eggo.

Q. Which US city's residents have the freshest breath?
A. Sacra-Mentos, California.

Q. What is the official California state tree?
A. Ash.

Q. Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps?
A. 'Cause New Jersey had first pick.

Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree in Florida?
A. Hold onto your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job.

Cocktail Time Trivia on the lanai: In Florida, they salt margaritas, not sidewalks!

Q. Which Florida resort town has many residents who love singing sacred hymns of praise?
A. Psalm Beach.

Q. Why is Florida so beautiful during the fall?
A. 'Cause the license plates seasonally begin to change colors.

US States Political Trend Tidbit: In the near future, Florida will be a blue state. With rising oceans, it'll be under water.

Q. Why do some old folks move south to Florida?
A. Because they don't like liberal snowflakes.

State of Florida Tip of the Day: Never call a person from Tampa a Tampon!

Q. Where do accordian players go to vacation?
A. The Florida Keys.

Q. Why is the state of Florida a navigational nightmare?
A. Because the further north you go, the more southern it gets!

Q. Why can't you compare the state of Washington with Florida?
A. Because that's like comparing apples to oranges.

Q. How do you know Floridians are untrusting?
A. Because they hide their keys way out in the ocean?

US State Fact of the Day: In Florida, everything is in the 80s. The temperature, the residents, and the I.Q.s.

Q. What does LDS mean to Mormons in Florida?
A. Ft. LauderDale Saints.

Q. What did the Florida reporter say when he witnessed an obese sea cow explode on live TV?
A. Oh, the huge manatee!

Q. Which kind of reptile in the Florida Everglades only eats dessert?
A. The Pie-Thon!

Q. Why did the New York City forecaster relocate to Miami?
A. 'Cause the weather didn't suit hm.

Q. Where does a Major League Baseball player go when he needs a fresh uniform?
A. New Jersey.

Q. Why did a blonde guy on a first date take his girl to New Jersey?
A. 'Cause she said she wanted him to kiss her where it stinks.

Q. Where do Bronco fans get new team shirts if they don't want to deal with New Jersey?
A. Old Neigh-vy!

Q. Which Utah locale is known for folks slinging nasty remarks around?
A. Insult Lake City.

Q. Which popular breed of dog in Colorado has the most coins?
A. Bloodhounds, because they're always picking up cents around the Denver Mint.

Q. What is the mating ground of the Abominable Snowman?
A. Loveland Pass, Colorado.

Q. Which TV weather forecast feature do Colorado potheads enjoy the most?
A. The Highs.

Q. Why do hipsters dig mine shafts in the Colorado Rockies?
A. Because they're so far underground!

Q. Why don't all that many blonde Texans vacation in Colorado?
A. The sign said Colorado Left, so they turned around and went back home.

Rocky US State Factoid of the Day: Colorado is the only place where it's acceptable for a man to brag about how many 14-ers he's been on top of.

Q. When the kids got too close to the rim of the Grand Canyon, where were their parents?
A. On edge.

Q. Which baseball team frightens horses in Arizona the most?
A. The Diamondbacks.

Q. Which southwestern town boasts hosts of citizens who own a pair of graceful pond birds?
A. Two Swan, Arizona.

Q. What is a rap fan in Arizona's favorite kind of weather?
A. A 'Lil Wayne.

Q. What do you call two environmentalists hugging a redwood in Yosemite National Park?
A. A tree-some.

Q. After Dorothy left Kansas, where did she go to weigh up pie?
A. Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

Q. Where do Easter eggs like to go on vacation?
A. New Yolk City.

Q. Where do cows go on summer vacation?
A. MooYork City.

Q. Where do math teachers go on a vacation back East?
A. Times Square.

Q. Why are there so many guys called Tony in New York?
A. When they boarded the boat, the ticket said "To NY."

Q. Which Big Apple hockey team has members from northern Scotland?
A. The New York Highlanders.

Q. Which USA city is the smelliest?
A. Phew York City.

Q. Why is the Brooklyn Bridge one of the oldest of its kind?
A. Due to its long life span.

Q. What is it called when you verify the height of New York Harbor's famous landmark's height?
A. Measuring the stature of Liberty.

Q. How did the woman feel about the cost of her timely NYC cab ride to 45th and Broadway?
A. If was fare and square.

Q. How did the old guy in Buffalo, NY die?
A. He just shuffled off.

Q. Why do New Yorkers like to vacation in Minnesota?
A. 'Cause that's where the Mini Apple Is.

Q. What do pantyhose and Brooklyn have in common?
A. Flatbush.

Q. What is the name of Barbie's new beau doll who's a homless guy from New Jersey?
A. Hobo Ken.

Q. Where does corn on the cob like to go on vacation?
A. Lake Earie.

Q. Which great city of the north is inhabited by many short, bearded beings?
A. Gnome, Alaska.

Q. How do they make antifreeze in Alaska?
A. They take away her blanket!

Q. Why was exploring Alaska in the 1800s so difficult?
A. It just came with the territory.

USA State Groan of the Day: Ever since the guy's girlfriend moved to Alaska, she's been cold and distant.

Q. Why did the guy's girlfriend break up with him after he said she was just like Baked Alaska?
A. Because Baked Alaska is hot on the outside and cold on the inside. He should have just said, "Sweet."

Q. Why didn't the Alaska native like seal meat?
A. He just wasn't Inuit.

Q. What is an Alaskan polar bear's favorite summer desser?
A. Eskimo pie.

Q. What happened when the Boston fisherman's wife fell overboard?
A. A giant clam chowed her.

Q. Where do Cowlorado cowboys go to vacation?
A. Moontana and Cowlifornia.

Q. Why did the Colorado beef herd return to the cannabis field?
A. It was a classic case of the pot calling the cattle back. Plus, the steaks have never been higher!

Did you hear about the guy who died eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull must have dragged him a mile! Yes, the bull was really quite testy.

USA Travel Point to Ponder: Do Little Green Men on vacation prefer Hatch chile from New Mexico, or Colorado's Pueblo chiles?

Q. Why did the space alien go to the doctor after eating Hatch chile on his visit to Roswell, New Mexico?
A. 'Cause he was feelin' a little green.

Q. What do Americans call the area of the country with the most museums?
A. State of the Art.

Q. What happened when the underwear factory in Chicago exploded?
A. Nothing was left but da briefs.

Q. Which USA state has the happiest gray wolf population?
A. Howl-o-rado.

Q. What shouldn't you hang out with that Chicago Bears fan?
A. 'Cause Illinois ya!

Q. Where do zombies with no arms and no legs play their championship baseball game?
A. Wrigley Field.

Q. How can you stop your Chicago Tribune from blowing away in the wind?
A. Use a news anchor.

Q. What do they call a loud-mouthed guy in Chicago?
A. Illinois-sy.

Q. Where might you go if you want to get blown away?
A. The Windy City, Chicago.

On a recent trip to Chicago, the weatherman said it was muggy. So, the visitor went outside to see for himself. Sure enough, the tourist walked around the corner and some guy stole his wallet.

Q. What do stockings in Chicago find depressing?
A. Da feet.

Q. Why are there so many decorative wind chmes in Chicago?
A. Because it's the Windy City.

Q. Where did viking vampires first land in the Americas?
A. In New Fangland.

Q. What ?do they call a banana hammock in Massachusetts?
A. A Cape Cod piece.

Q. in which state might you see a priest pray, sneeze, and sit down?
A. Massachusetts.

Q. What is a vampire's least favorite city?
A. Philadelphia, because it's always sunny there.

Q. Where do vampires get their writing instruments?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. Where do ghouls and goblins like to vacation?
A. Eerie, Pennsylvania.

Q. What do cops in rural Pennsylvania say when they come across a suspicious situation?
A. Something's Amish here.

Q. What did Delaware?
A. Maybe a New Jersey? Idaho, but Alaska. OUCH!

Q. Why is it illegal for a guy living in North Carolina to be buried in South Carolina?
A. 'Cause he's still alive!

Q. What did Tenessee?
A. The same thing Arkansas!

Q. Why aren't there dress codes in Arkansas?
A. 'Cause they all have the same genes.

Q. Why did the guy in Tennessee dip his testicles in hot salsa?
A. 'Cause he was a Jerry Lee Lewis fan. Goodnes gracious, great balls of fire!

Q. What do you call swampy plant and animal life in Louisiana?
A. Bayou Diversity.

Gal Pal: Do you travel to Louisiana often?
Blonde: Only on a cajun.

Q. Which is the lonliest swamp in Louisiana?
A. Bayou self.

Q. Which is the smartest state?
A. Alabama. 'Cause it has four As and a B.

Q. How long does it take to bet from Louisiana to Alabama?
A. One Mississippi.

Q. What do you call a man in Biloxi who dresses in women's clothes?
A. Mississippi queen.

Q. What has four eyes yet still can't see?
A. Mississippi.

Q. Why do disabled people like living in Mississippi?
A. They get double SSI.

Q. What do you call California Highway Patrolmen who are chewing tobacco?
A. Chips and dip.

USA State Fact of the Day: California supplies 2/3 of the nation's fruits and nuts, and a lot of produce, too.

Q. What is the official California state band?
A. Earth Wind and Fire.

Q. What do you call the area between a California girl's breasts?
A. Silicone Valley.

Q. Why is this a good time to buy real estate in California?
A. 'Cause it's really on fire there!

Q. Why did California voters legalize marijuana?
A. 'Cause they had a high turn out.

Q. What do you get if you unexpectedly win a California sweepstakes?
A. A Big Sur prize.

Q. Where does Father Christmas go on his summer vacation?
A. Santa Cruz.

Q. Which wind is named after Santa Claus's temperate cousin?
A. Santa Ana.

Q. What kind of business did the seabirds open near the Golden Gate Bridge?
A. A bay-gull shop.

Q. What happened when a freak tornado wiped out the Wisconsin cheese warehouse?
A. Nothing but de Brie was left in the whey.

Q. What is a buff Wisconsin dairy farmer's favorite arm exercise?
A. Cheese curls.

Q. What is today's weather forecast for Wisconsin?
A. Rain and light Bries.

My wife was preparing lunch today, so she asked, "Honey, where's the cheese grater?" I replied, "Some would say France, others would say Wisconsin. It depends on your personal preference."

Q. Where do lawyers go to vacation in Iowa?
A. Sioux City.

Q. Why are jokes about Iowa so painful?
A. Because they're really corny.

Q. When heading west from Iowa into Nebraska, how do you see the prairie?
A. Plain and simple.

Q. Where is Engaged, Ohio?
A. Halfway between Dayton and Marion.

Q. Which state is home to Xenia and Zanesville, the most populous U.S. cities starting with the letters X and Z?
A. Ohio.

Q. Which US state is high in the middle and round on both ends?
A. Ohio.

Q. Which midwestern USA state is every horse's favorite?
A. Neighbraska!

Q. Why is it always so windy throughout the state of Wyoming?
A. Because Idaho blows and Nebraask sucks.

Q. Why did the hipster abandon his Augusta lighthouse?
A. It was too Maine.

US State Fact: People from Maine are so vane. Even their T-shirts say, "I heart ME."

Q. Where do horses get their hair done?
A. Maine.

Q. How do Coloradans treat tourists from the Pine Tree State?
A. They always mind their Maine-ers.

Q. Why is lodging so important in the Pine Tree state?
A. Because it's a Maine stay.

Q. Why did Maine and Missouri become US states at the same time?
A. 'Cause Missouri loves company.

Q. If you decide to just pack up and move, why would Tulsa or Norman be a good choice?
A. Because they're both OK cities.

Q. What happened to the guy who tried to sell the westernmost county of Oklahoma?
A. He was arrested for panhandling.

Q. What do you call humorous mistakes in speech by folks in Oklahoma?
A. Soonerisms.

Q. Why is Alabama the best state to be from?
A. 'Cause that means you don't live there anymore.

Q. Which cellphone service provider is located in Birmingham's state?
A. Mobile Alabama.

Q. What do you call the clamy temperature between two Georgians?
A. Relative humidity.

Q. How do you predict the weather in Seattle?
A. If you can see Mt. Rainier, it's going to rain. If you can't see Mt. Rainier, it's already raining.

Q. Which US state has the most drty laundry?
A. Washington.

Q. What sort of white noise might you hear in Washington?
A. Puget Sound.

Q. What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle?
A. The Weekend.

Q. What do you call a healthy guys who just moved from Portland?
A. Oregon Transplant!

Q. Why do Nevada casinos on the strip make so much money?
A. Because that's Loss Vegas!

Q. Which western city is the kidney donation capital of the world?
A. Renal, Nevada.

Q. What is the name of the final roadside stop to get an eggy treat?
A. Custard's Last Stand.

USA Road Travel Tip of the Day: You can see Abraham Lincoln on Mount Rushmore in South Dakota, if you head for the hills.

Q. Did Betsy Ross really create the first American flag?
A. Sew the story goes…

Q. Why was the USA flag changed in 1960?
A. Because Alaska and Hawaii were rising stars.

My Hawaiian pizza with pineapple and ham was burned. They really need to cook it at aloha temperature!

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