Old optometrists never retire. They just lose their focus.

Q. What is the most common cause of feline blindness?
A. Cataracts!

Q. What was the lens's excuse to the cop?
A. I've been framed.

Insightful Tip: Looking for something to tickle her funny bone and light up her eyes? Just enlighten her with hum-iris witticisms and arm yourself with humerus jokes!

Eye Doctor: You need to stop masturbating so often.
Patient: Why? Will I go blind?
Eye Doctor: No, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable.

Grandpa's Weather Report: It's so foggy tonight that I can see through my cataracts.

My girlfriend has beautifully colored eyes. I particulary like the blue one.

Q. Why did the cell phone have to wear glasses?
A. Because it lost all of its contacts!

Q. What did the mental patient ask his eye doctor?
A. Sometimes I just get tired of seeing things. Would it help if I take off my glasses?

Q. What did Old MacDonald say when he read the eye chart?
A. EIEIO!

Q. What does an eyeball say when it has a fun weekend?
A. Eye had the time of eye life!

Visionary Fact of the Day: Optometrists are never short sighted.

Far-Sighted Pick Up Line: Hey girl, eye see you in my future.

Patient says, "I can't see very far with these new glasses." Eye doc points out the window and asks, "What's that up there?" Patient says, "The sun." Eye doc replies, "Well, how far do you need to see?"

Q. What are Spocktacles?
A. Eyewear on the planet, Vulcan.

Q. What did the optometrist say to the patient with three eyes?
A. Aye, Aye, Aye.

My eye doctor told me I needed multi-focal lenses, but all I heard was, "You are getting old."

Q. Why did the eyeball learn so quickly?
A. Because it had an Eye IQ.

Q. Where do bad strabismic patients go?
A. To Prism!

A lady walked into a shrink's office and announced that she had a screw loose. The blonde receptionist sent her to the optician's office next door.

Q. What does a garbageman use to see a long distance?
A. Bin-oculars.

Q. What did the judge say about the bad eye doctor pun during the trial?
A. Eye will allow it.

Q. What music do eye doctors prefer?
A. iTunes.

Q. What did the Chinese businessman say when he was told he has a cataract?
A. No, no, I drive a Rexus.

Q. Where is the eye located?
A. Between the H and the J.

Dad got a selfie stick for Father's Day. Turned out that he can finally hold the phone far enough away to read his text messages!

Focused Point to Ponder: Why does wearing eyeglasses infer intelligence rather than indicate broken eyes?

Eye like Friday, too!

Receptionist: Why are you here to see the eye doctor today?
Patient: I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Receptionist: Have you seen the doctor?
Patient: No, only spots.

Q. How many eye doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Just one, 'cause they clearly see the problem.

Q. Why did the eye doctor break up with the orthopedic surgeon?
A. Because the eyeball didn't find the elbow's humerus jabs at all humor-iris.

Q. What did the snowman say to his son?
A. I told you if you kept crossing your eyes, they'd freeze that way!

Q. Why are optometrists so smart?
A. Because they were good pupils.

Wink, wink, you'll see this pun is a goody.

It's always nice to have some fresh punch lines to break the eyes.

Q. What did the observant guy say to the cheesy street magician?
A. I see what you did there.

Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. FSH.

Q. Why did Hitler go to the eye doctor?
A. Because he could Nazi.

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