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Reaching higher in business is a good thing unless you're a bank teller during a hold up!
A belch is just a gust of wind that comes from the heart, but when it takes the downward trend, it turns into a fart!
Q. How many Broncos fans does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. They just talk about doing it next year!
Did you hear about the guy who stole a can of wood filler? A. He was arrested for putty theft!


Groaner Jokes and Horrendous Humor – Ouch!
Hurt your funny bone with painful puns, ouch punch lines, and zinger one-liner humor.

Bad Groaner Puns, Painful Jokes, Ouch Riddles
(Yikes! Because Lame Jokes, Zowie Punch Lines, and Painful Puns Ouch Could Never Be Too Mainstream!)
Warning: Proceed Cautiously! Zinger jokes, head-slapping humor, painful puns and groans ahead.
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Groaner: I Would Tell You a Leech Joke, But It Would Suck!Groaner Joke: I Used To Be A Tap Dancer, Until I Fell Into the Sink!A grenade in a French kitchen results in Linoleum Blown Apart.

Bloody funny groaner joke. Ouch!

Q. What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer?
A. The leech stops bleeding you after you're dead.

Q. Why did the leech go to a shrink?
A. Because everybody he got attached to broke it off with him.

Q. What's the difference between a leech and the USA health care system?
A. The leech stops sucking you dry after you're dead.

Q. How many dance teachers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five, six, seven, eight!

Q. What did the ballerina say when she lost her shoe?
A. Sigh, this is pointeless!

Q. Why was the dog such a horrible dancer?
A. Because he had two left feet!

Q. How do you make a tissue dance?
A. Put a little boogie in it!

Se la Ka-bleu-y? Ca-serole sera, sera.

Ooh la laugh! Alas, we cannoli do so much...

Q. Why was the French chef's job in jeopardy?
A. His latest creation was a recipe for disaster.

Q. Why do French chefs use butter?
A. Because there is no margarine for error.

The cannibal daintily wiped his mouth and said, "My wife makes great soup. I'm really going to miss her."

A baby seal walks into a bar. Bartender asks: "What can I get you?" Seal replies: "Anything but a Canadian club."Scary Pick-Up Line: Are you an alien? 'Cause this feeling in my gut makes me want to take you out!Q. What is the world's most popular wine? A. I don't like Brussels sprouts!

A grasshopper hops into a bar. Bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

A monk, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey! Is this some kind of joke?"

A baseball walks into a bar, and the bartender throws him out...

Q. Why did the zombie go crazy?
A. He lost his mind!

Q. What killer round did the zombie order at the bar?
A. A shot of ta-kill-ya, a Bloody Mary, and a Mind Eraser!

Q. Who won the zombie apocalypse?
A. Nobody. It was a dead tie.

Zombie Pick Up Line: Now you know what will happen in your garden during the zombie apocalypse.

I do not like whiny and cheesy people, but I DO like wine and cheese people! Ouch!

Q. What do you call a basement full of upset women?
A. A whine cellar!

Q. What time do ladies drink wine?
A. At Wine O'Clock.

Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have become wine.

A guy walks into a psychiatrist office wearing only plastic wrap shorts. Shrink says: "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."A Monkey Was Arrested for Throwing Rhesus Feces at the Patrons. He Was Charged with Turd Debris Assault.

That shrink could see right through his egocentric behavior.

Q. What is the difference between a psychologist and a magician?
A. A psychologist pulls habits out of a rat!

Q. Why is psychotherapy a lot faster for a man than for a woman?
A. Because when it's time for a man to go back to childhood, he's already there!

A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender asks, "Why the short face?"

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

Q. Why didn't the bartender serve the snake?
A. Because he couldn't hold his beer.

Q. Why did the chimp at the zoo throw rhesus feces at zoo visitors?
A. Because he wanted E.T. to go home.

Q. What do you get when you poop in your overalls?
A. Dung-arees.

Q. What do you call an angry monkey?
A. Furious George.

According to my magic watch, you're not wearing any underwear! Oh, it must be 15 minutes fast...After Punching His Computer and Breaking His Hand, the Guy Required Tech Knuckle Support.I Gnome The Punch Line!

Q. Did you hear about the perverted magician?
A. He pulled his top hat out of a rabbit.

Q. Did you hear about the frustrated magician whose tricks failed big time?
A. He pulled his hare out!

Q. Who doesn't go to the emergency room after losing a finger?
A. A magician!

Q. Who had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud?
A. Moses.

Tech Support Point to Ponder: If we tell people their brain is an app, would they start using it?

There are only two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.

Well, at least we gnow we know what he's been drinking!

Q. How can you tell a gnome's been using your lawn mower?
A. The welcome mat is ripped to shreds.

Q. How do we know gnomes are time travelers?
A. 'Cause there's gnome time like the present, past, and future.

| Painful Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| Blonde Jokes | Hair Humor | Fashion Puns | Shoe Jokes | Hipster Humor | Light Bulb Jokes |
| Travel Jokes | Cross the Road Jokes | Time Travel | Pirate Jokes | Cop | Lawyer | Money Puns |

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You've lasted this far, so here's even more groans of laughter,
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More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

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| Sci-Fi Funnies | Funny Holidays | Sports Jokes | Tech Puns | Colorado Jokes | Painful Puns |

Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners! Monstrously Funny Puns Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Ouch!
Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Funny Riddles, Punny Answers! Sick Puns, Healthy Laughs

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