Q. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? A. "Oh, Sheet!"   PainfulPuns.com - Groaner Puns, Painful Jokes, Funny Ouch!

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Gorilla Chef Asks: Did you hear about the mean sadistic chef? He bestas the eggs and whips the cream!
I hate Valentine's Day! So did my ex wife!
Q. How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? A. Hipsters change it before everybody else knew it needed to be changed!
Q. What happens wien the smog lifts over los Angeles? A. UCLA!


Painful Punch Lines, Groaner Jokes, Ouch Puns
Groan Out Loud with punch lines that hurt, painful one-liner humor, and funny ouch jokes.

Groaner Puns and Short Painful Jokes – Ouch!
('Cause Lame Jokes and Painless Puns Are Too Mainstream When You Need Groaner Jokes and Painful Puns!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Distressing humor, agonizing jokes, and ouch-ouch-ouch groans ahead.
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Q. What grows up while growing down? A. A GooseNever Trust Atoms. They Make Up Everything.Mad as I was, I didn't give the brain surgeon a piece of my mind.

Q. What happened to the goose whose feathers all pointed the wrong way?
A. She was tickled to death!

Q. What language does a goose speak?
A. Portu-geese!

Q. What does a farmer call an escaped bird?
A. A Loose Goose!

Q. What do you get if you kiss a goose?
A. A peck on the cheek.

Q. Oxygen had a second date with potassium. How did it go?
A. It went OK2!

Q. What did one quantum physicist say when he wanted to fight another physicist?
A. Let Me Atom!

Q. What do you call a group of environmentally conscientious physicists?
A. Con-CERNed.

However, zombies really ticked me off, and I mean off.

Q. What did the zombie say to his date?
A. I love a woman with brains!

Q. Do zombies eat brains with their fingers?
A. No, they eat fingers separately.

Q. Which shampoo do smart zombies like best?
A. Head and Shoulders!

Crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast.What goes "Ha,Ha, Ha, Plop? A man laughing his head off.What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's up in your face? Too Close for Comfort Food.

Ouch! Punny bakery sounds like a sweet spot for a fun snack.

Q. Why was the baker fired?
A. He was always loafing around.

Q. Why was the baker reprimanded?
A. He kept pinching the salt.

Q. What did they say about the old baker's favorite song?
A. It's a moldie, but a goodie!

Q. Which kind of biscuits can fly?
A. The plain ones.

Hulk doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the sh*t out of it!

Q. What is Green and Smelly?
A. The Hulk's farts!

Q. Why do Hulk's pants stay on?
A. Because unstable nut-lear decay is rated X.

Q. What is The Hulk's favorite part of this joke?
A. The Punch Line!

My friend is so vegan, that he won't even have his photograph taken in case he has to say: "Cheese."

I took a photograph of a mouse today. He didn't say "Cheese," but I could tell he was thinking it...

I walked up to the cheese counter in the store last week. I interrupted him and he had to start again...

Q. Which cheese is made backward?
A. Edam.

My Pig Had a Rash, So the Vet Gave Her Some Oinkment.Q. What's the best time to go to the dentist? A. Tooth Hurty!A Dyslexic Man Walks Into a Bra

Q. What did the pig scream when he got hurt?
A. Call me a ham-bulance!

If a baby pig is called a piglet, is a young bull called a bullet?

Q. What happens if you cross a pig and a politican?
A. Nothing. There are some things even a pig won't mess with.

5 out of 5 Dentists agree that Toothday is the most Ahh-some day of the week!

Q. What does the dentist of the year get?
A. A little plaque.

Dentists do not like a hard day at the orifice!

Ten years without brushing causes horrible tooth decade.

A guy walks into a bar. He says, "OUCH!" ... It was a crowbar.

A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7 and 2."

A man walks into a bar. OUCH! You would have thought he would have seen it!

A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out...

The ophthalmologist was called to testify because he was the only eye witness.Hey Gnirl, does your left eye hurt? 'Cause you're lookin' alright!Marathon runners with bad footwear, suffer the agony of da feet.

Q. What music do eye doctors prefer?
A. iTunes.

Q. What does a vampire say when an ophthalmologist is his victim?
A. Eye vant to drink your blood.

Q. How many eye doctors does it take to replace a light bulb?
A. Hmm... One, or Two?

Q. What is an eye doctor's favorite dessert?
A. Eyes Cream!

Wink, wink, you'll see this pitiful pick up line is a real groaner.

Q. Why did the near-sighted woman marry her optometrist?
A. It was an eye-deal relationship!

Patient: I get a stabbing pain in my eye when I drink hot tea.
Eye Doctor: Have you tried removing the spoon from the cup?

Marathon pun readers suffer in agony, as well.

Q. What did the blonde runner drink when she was in last place?
A. Ketchup.

Q. Why did the skinny blonde run backward?
A. She wanted to gain weight.

Q. What happens if you run in front of a car?
A. You get tired.

| Painful Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
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You've lasted this far, so here's even more distressing humor,
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| Sci-Fi Funnies | Funny Holidays | Sports Jokes | Tech Puns | Colorado Jokes | Painful Puns |

Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners! Monstrously Funny Puns Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Ouch!
Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Funny Riddles, Punny Answers! Sick Puns, Healthy Laughs

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