A lawyer asked his dentist ... for a retainer.   PainfulPuns.com - Groaner Puns, Painful Jokes, Funny Ouch!

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Q. What do you call a donkey on steroids? A. An ass-teroid!
Q. What do you call it when you ridicule somebody without prior planning? A. A spur of the moment derision!
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil!
Q. How many birds does it take to change a light bulb? A. Toucan do it!

 


Groaner Jokes, Painful Puns, Funny Ouch!
Torture yourself with groaner jokes, hellish humor, and painful puns that'll make you groan!

Painful Jokes, Groaner Puns, Harrowing Humor
(Because Groaner Jokes, Moaner Puns, and Boner Punch Lines Could Never Be Too Mainstream!)
Warning: Proceed Cautiously! Dastardly laughter, hellish moans, and wicked groans are 100% guaranteed!
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I didn't like my beard at first, but then it grew on me.A butcher tried standup comedy, but he didn't make the cut.Potty Humor: Urologists Know How to Go with the Flow!

Q. What's the worst thing about growing a beard for No Shave November?
A. Hipsters think you're one of them!

Q. Why did the guy grow a beard in November?
A. To prove he wasn't a bald-faced liar.

Q. How is a beard like true love?
A. It never ends; it only grows!

I really mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later. GROAN!

Q. What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A. Beef Jerky.

Q. What did the beef steak gossip to the pork chop?
A. "Did you meet Frank's new girlfriend, Patty? I hear they're engaged to be marinated."

Q. What did the grill master say to the vegan?
A. Sorry, I can't listen to your rantings right now, while more important things are at steak.

Looking for jokes about the urinary system? Well, urine luck!

You know, if you pee in the swimming pool, urine trouble!

Q. What do you call a country where everyone is pissed?
A. Urination.

Urologists have been blessed with golden opportunities, know how to go with the flow, and make the lives of their patients a wee bit better.

Hey Gnirl, are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got FINE written all over you!Bakers DO earn the majority of their income in the morning, making most of their dough at yeast by a leaven o'clock.Food Pick-Up Line: Is your body from McDonald's? 'Cause I'm Lovin' It!

FYI: Meter maids do not like being called "Hey, Gnirl."

I got complimented on my parking today. Someone left a note saying, "Parking Fine."

Q. What do you do if you can't pull out of a tight parking spot?
A. Use your back-up plan.

Q. When does bread rise?
A. When you yeast expect it to.

Q. What did the loaf of bread say to the bag of flour?
A. Hey, didn't we meet yeasterday?

Q. What happened when the pastry chef's wife came home early?
A. She caught him master baking.

Q. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
A. He forgot to wrap his whopper!

Q. Why couldn't the hamburger patty stop making jokes?
A. Because it was on a roll!

Tasty Pick Up Lines: Are you on the menu at Mcdonald's, 'cause you're McGorgeous!

How do spacemen add more protien to their diet? They make it meteor. Ghoulish Humor: I was thinking about a brain transplant, but I changed my mind. Hulk Humor: Got angry at a chef in an Italian restaurant and gave him a pizza my mind

Q. What do aliens serve their food on? A. Flying saucers.

Q. What did Spock find in Kirk's toilet? A. The Captain's Log.

Q. What do you call a fruit that goes into space?
A. A Coco-Naut!

Q. What is the Man in the Moon's favorite chocolate treat?
A. A Mars Bar.

Q. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A. Blow in her ear.

Q. What do you call a skull without 100 Billion neurons?
A. A No-Brainer!

Q. What do you call it when the brain scanner is broken?
A. A CATastrophe!

I heard a joke about amnesia, but now I forget how it goes...

Hulk's legacy will become a pizza history!

Did you hear about the chef who got an injection for a severe allergic reaction? Yeah, he got an epi-cure!

Did you hear about the chef who slipped and broke his prime rib?

Q. What do you call an ill-tempered old chef who goes bankrupt?
A. A curmudgeonly crumble.

A guy got hit in the head by a can of soda. He was lucky it was a soft drink.My cavity wasn't filled my my regular dentist, just by a guy who was filling in.Did you return your books late? 'Cause you've got FINE written all over you!

Q. Why did the guy at the Pepsi factory get fired?
A. He tested positive for Coke.

Q. Why did the blonde lick the bottom of the soda can?
A. Because it said, "Tastes best by sell by date." Duh!

Please pardon these soft drink puns. Yes, we know they're soda dumb.

Q. What did the tooth say to the departing dentist?
A. Fill me in when you return.

Ignore your teeth, and they will all go away.

Q. What will your dentist give you for $1?
A. Buck teeth!

Always be kind to your dentist because he's got fillings, too!

Smart Pick Up Line: Literate gnome puns still aren't too smart, but they are funny! Ouch!

Q. How many books can you put into an empty backpack?
A. Just one. After that, it isn't empty!

A Book Never Written:
Plunging Necklines by Seymour Bust

If you leave alphabet soup heating on the stove and forget, it could spell disaster!

| Painful Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
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| Sci-Fi Funnies | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Tech Puns | Colorado Jokes | Weed is Funny! |

Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners! Monstrously Funny Puns Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Ouch!
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