Judge: Do you have anything to offer the court before I pass sentence?
Defendant: No your Honor, my lawyer took every penny.

Q. How are a judge and an English teacher alike?
A. Both assign long sentences.

Q. What does a judge put in his beverages?
A. Just Ice.

Smell No Evil should be an option for this sh*tty monkey joke.

Q. Have you seen that new movie Constipated?
A. It hasn't come out yet.

People who tell you that they're constipated are full of crap.

Q. Why are constipated people so rude?
A. They just don't give a crap.

And the rest was hiss-tory? That's what she said, eternally.

Q. What did the snake give to his wife?
A. A goodnight hiss!

Q. Which kind of snake likes to build things?
A. A Boa Constructor.

Did you hear about the snake love letter? It was sealed with a hiss.

The bathroom humor only goes down from here. (Bet you smelled that one coming!)

Q. How do you describe a jocular sewage joker?
A. Pun Gent!

Life is like a sewer: you get out of it what you put into it. And, sometimes it stinks...

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
– Mel Brooks

Just another way to say: Laughing Your Butt Off.

Q. What can you take when your butt hurts?
A. Asspirin.

Q. What do you call the medical procedure where a plastic surgeon removes a woman's big butt?
A. A Dis-ass-ter.

Q. What do people behind you say?
A. Nice ass!

Butter beware of all these cheesy puns. No Bull!

If I told you a rumor about better butter, would you spread it?

Q. What do you churn to make forgetful butter?
A. Milk of Amnesia!

Q. What did margarine say to oleo?
A. You butter back off, pal.

She's a diamond in the rough. Another sample of age-old humor.

Q. What should you do with a sick chemist?
A. If you can't helium and you can't curium, just barium.

Q. What is the name of the molecule CH2O?
A. Sea Water.

Q. What do physicists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon?
A. A Ferrous Wheel.

A dirty joke, but not in the usual sense. Sorry, just can't break the habit. Groan!

Q. What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep?
A. A Roming Catholic.

Q. What do you call a nun who had a sex change operation?
A. A tran-sister.

Q. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
A. Virgin Mobile.

Walt's not the only guy knows how to cook up the formula for groans.

Q. Which element is derived from a Norse god?
A. Thorium!

Q. What is HIJKLMNO?
A. H2O!

Q. How often should you make chemistry jokes?
A. Periodically!

Just sink your teeth in and chew on this garden variety groan.

Q. What is small, furry, and smells like bacon?
A. A hamster.

Q. What kind of cheese do rodents prefer?
A. Mouserella!

Q. How do you save a drowning rodent?
A. With mouse to mouse resuscitation!

Q. What do snarky rodents send each other at Christmas time?
A. Cross mouse cards.

Don't say that snot one heck of a groaner!

Q. What does a booger in love tell his girlfriend?
A. I'm stuck on you!

Q. What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
A. Kids won't eat broccoli.

Q. What do you call a skinny booger?
A. Slim Pickins.

Q. Why did the booger cross the road?
A. Because it was being picked on!

Judging by this joke, it's a case of mis-stinkin' identity. Guilty of LOL.

Q. How many judges does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One. He holds it still and the whole courtroom revolves around him.

Q. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great one?
A. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Q. How many judges does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, but two lawyers have to explain why.

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