Q. What's worse than a monkey eating a banana? A. A monkey going bananas!   PainfulPuns.com - Animal Puns, Wildlie Humor, Beary Funny Jokes!

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Q. What is
a male zebra
called?

A. A zebro.

Chimps ask: What do you call bananas that are friends with monkeys? A. A bunch of idiots!

Q. Why don't
crocodiles
attack
lawyers?

A. Professional
courtesy.


Q. Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to the party? A. Because he was a party pooper!
Sheep Says to a Leopard: Caturday is not for the meek!
Painful Animal Puns: Q. What is an elephant's favorite sport? A. Squash

 


African Animal Jokes, Wildlife Puns, Safari Grins
Go wild over fur-ocious lion puns, short giraffe laughs, cheeky chimp humor and elephant jokes.

Safari Animal Jokes and Game Preserve Humor
(Because Jungle Creature Jokes and Wild Animal Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream When You're On a LOL Safari!)
Warning: Proceed Cautiously! Gorilla jokes, snake snckers, hippo humor, lioness laughs and zebra puns ahead.
| African Safari Animal Jokes | Lion Jokes and Big Cat Puns | Big Ape Grins and Gorilla Jokes |
| Cheeky Chimp Jokes and Monkey Puns | Stoner Monkey Grins | Heard Elephant Jokes |
| Snake Jokes and Viper Puns | Reptile Jokes, Amphibian Humor | Frog Jokes and Toad Puns |

Lion Says: Caturday is the Mane Event!
 

Animal Pun: Did you hear about the snake that gave birth to a bouncing baby boa?

 
Q. Why did the monkey like the banana? A. Because it had appeal!

Q. How does an African lioness introduce herself to the new neighbors?
A. Pleased to eat you!

Q. What happened after the lion ate a clown?
A. He felt funny.

Q. Why did the lion eat the preacher?
A. He wanted a taste of religion.

Q. Why did the lion feel sick after he'd eaten a missionary priest?
A. Because it's hard to keep a good man down.

Q. Why did the lioness kill the preacher?
A. 'Cause he told her she had to swallow her pride.

Q. Which big cat should you never bet against?
A. A Cheetah!

Q. What do you call a group of homosexual lions?
A. Gay Pride.

King of the Jungle Pun Fact of the Day: Once you've witnessed a lion take down a wildebeest, you've seen a maul.

Q. What is it called when a Black Mamba can't produce venom?
A. E-reptile dysfunction!

Q. What is the deadly African snake's best subject in school?
A. Math, because he's a Puff Adder.

Q. What is a Cape Cobra's favorite subject in school?
A. Hiss-tory!

Q. Which African snake is jealous of the Black Mamba?
A. The Green Mamba.

Q. How do you measure a Black Mamba snake?
A. In meters, 'cause they don't have any feet.

Q. What's it called when you're on safari and take a selfie with a Cape Cobra?
A. A big misssstake!

Q. What is a snake's favorite dance?
A. The Mamba.

African Rock Python Pick-Up Line: Hey Eve, I hear you like big snakes?

Q. Where do wild chimps get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.

Q. What do cheeky chimps and monkeys do for laughs?
A. They tell jokes about people, and bananas.

Q. What do you call a disaster that is a particular risk to primates?
A. A peril of monkeys.

Q. What is the top monkey up in a tree called?
A. Branch Manager.

Q. Why shouldn't you get into a battle with monkeys in the jungle?
A. 'Cause they use gorilla warefare.

Q. Why are monkey turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!

Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.

Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.

Q. What do
locals call a
Serengeti stampede?

A. Eland rush!

 
Q. What is a vampire's favorite animal? A. The Giraffe!
 

Q. What do
you get when
you cross an
elephant and a rhinocerous?

A. Eleph-I-no?

Q. Where is the best place to find info about African animal?
A. Safari.

Q. How can a hyena make a hippopotamus do whatever he wants?
A. Hippo-notise him.

Q. Which African animal preaches one thing, yet does the opposite?
A. The Hippo-crite.

Q. Which music genre do old hippopotami dance to?
A. Hip Pop.

Q. What do you call the hyena that ate your mother's sister?
A. An aunt-eater.

Q. Why did the bird lose all its feathers after the Mt. Kilimanjaro eruption?
A. 'Cause it was molten.

Q. Why shouldn't you taunt a crocodile?
A. It might come back to bite you in the end!

An arrogant crocodile walks up to a group of African lions and tells them how much better he is than they are. He was consumed by pride. OOPS!

Q. Why didn't the short giraffe have friends?
A. 'Cause he wouln't stick his neck out for anybody.

Q. Which African wildlife refuge is inhabited by herds of giraffes?
A. Giraffic Park.

Q. What is green and hangs from trees in Africa?
A. Giraffe snot.

Q. Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
A. Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

Giraffe Pick-Up Line: Hey bae, wanna see if what they say about the height of an animal is actually true?

Q. What do you call it if a giraffe swallows a drone?
A. A a big plane in the neck.

Giraffe Pick-Up Line: Hello down there. Girl, we'd be the same height if we were lying down.

Q. What do you get if you cross a pig and a giraffe?
A. Bacon and legs.

Giraffe Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, if I bend my knees, I'll still be up to your standards.

Giraffe Chat Up Line: Hey girl, it's a new and exciting world up here full of opportunities you never even dreamed of – me for instance.

Q. What happens to a male rhinocerous when he goes through puberty?
A. He gets horny.

Q. What is a drunken white rhinocerous called?
A. An imbibing albino rhino wino.

Q. What is a rhinocerous call girl called?
A. A rhin-hoe.

White Rhino Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I have got a major horn on for you!

Q. Why did the African elephants start a stampede?
A. They wanted to be herd!

Q. What do you call a pachyderm with really big ears?
A. EarElephant, but that just doesn't matter.

Q. What is the biggest thing in Africa these days?
A. Elephants!

Q. Where are elephant jokes found?
A. They are so big that they're seldom lost.

Q. Which kind of pachyderm flies over Africa?
A. The Dumbo Jet.

Q. Which kind of African insect is so strong that it can fell a tree?
A. An elephANT.

Animal Riddle: Q. What do you call a baby monkey? A. Chimp off the old block!
 

Q. Why did animals build
a lounge in
the jungle?

A. To enjoy
the creature
comforts.

 
Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A. Pachydermatologist

Q. What is the large hill where baby animals and plant sprouts flourish called?
A. The Mountain of Youth.

Q. Which journalist covered the story about the baby lions at the wildlife sanctuary?
A. The cub reporter.

Q. Why don't chimpanzees speak English?
A. They just don't have the ape-titude.

Q. Why did the monkey decide to take up golf?
A. He wanted to take a swing at it.

Q. Why was the blonde disappointed after her visit to an apiary?
A. There weren't any gorillas there. DUH!

Q. What is it called when chimps and baboons split hairs about correct word usage?
A. A matter of simian-tics.

Q. Why don't monkey's ever play cards in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs there.

Q. Why was the jungle animals' party such a snoozer?
A. Because they forgot the chimps and dip.

Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!

Q. What did the puma say to the jaguar at the poker party?
A. I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.

Q. What does a pachyderm do during his spare time?
A. He watches duck-umentaries on ele-vision.

Q. How do elephants stay cool in the hot jungle?
A. Ear conditioning.

Q. What do you call it when you dare to safari out among a bunch of pachyderms?
A. You are braving the elephants.

Q. What do you get when you cross a parrot with an elephant?
A. A chatty creature that tells you everything it remembers. Over and over again...

Today's Pachyderm Memory Byte of the Day: Elephants can grow up to eleven feet, but most only have four.

Q. What did the elephant say to the naked Tarzan when he romved his loin cloth?
A. Cute, but can you breath through it?

Q. What is the big difference between Indian elephants and African elephants?
A. About 3000 miles.

Pachyderm Pick-Up Line: Hey Ella, you are looking Ella-phant-astic.

Q. How many gorillas does it take to change a light bulb? A. Only one, but it takes a butt load of ight bulbs!
 
Q. What did the chimp say when his sis got pregnant? A. Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!
 
Q. What is a Zebra? A. 25 Sizes Larger Than an A Bra!

Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!

Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had sex ape-peal.

Q. What do gorilla attorneys study?
A. The law of the jungle.

Q. Where do gorillas pick up rumors?
A. Over the ape-vine.

Jane's Best Hookup Line: Hey, Tarzan are you going hunting? 'Cause that’s a nice club under your loincloth.

Primative Jungle Pick-Up Line: Hey You Jane and me Tarzan.

Q. What did the crowd say when Dr. Frankenstein shoved a big beast into a wooden box?
A. You've crated a monster!

Stoner Giraffe Pick-Up Line: Hey Mary Jane, is it true that you're always longing to be this high?

Q. Who originally said, "Well, Iíll be a monkey's uncle?"
A. Tarzan.

Q. What do you call a one-armed gorilla?
A. Ape-utee.

Q. Which kind of monkeys share an Amazon account?
A. Prime-Mates.

Q. What kind of underwear do sexy monkeys wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.

Q. Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
A. He had to attend to some monkey biz on the other side.

Q. Where do gorillas go to work out?
A. To a jungle gym.

Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla and an inmate?
A. A Kong-vict.

Q. What did the caveman say when he saw a big African animal taking a dump?
A. Look! There''s a hip-poop-potamus.

Q. Why don't they sell stuffed animal zebras at the toy store?
A. 'Cause it's too hard to find the bar code at checkout.

Q. Whatdo you get when you cross a chicken and a zebra?
A. Twp streets further away.

Q. What's the difference between a zebra and a bartender?
A. A zebra has bars all around its butt, but the bartender has assholes all around jos bar/

Q. Which African animal is the oldest?
A. The zebra. 'Cause it's in black and white.

Q. What is a zebra?
A. A horse behind bars.

Q. Why are zebras so opinionated?
A. 'Cause the them, everything is black and white.

Q. What did the blonde in South Africa name her pet zebra?
A. Spot.

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